or rather four of them...(what kind of flight has 3 layovers, anyway?)...but I know I'll be back in August. As I write, I'm in a hostel in Hong Kong, in the middle of my 17-hour layover after a 3-hour flight from Phnom Penh. It's been a whirlwind of activities leading up to today, as the end of a school year always is: banquet, finals, awards night, goodbye lunch for departing teachers, moving my stuff to the house where I'll live next year. So despite the inconvenience, my 46-hour travel time actually provides some needed quiet time to reflect and prepare for re-entry.
I've heard that most missions agencies don't let people go home during their first two years. In some ways, I wholeheartedly agree. Going "home" for the summer, every summer, is a little too reminiscent of college and a little too far from considering a place your new home. I wish that I had time to relax in Phnom Penh, that I didn't associate it with ALWAYS having work to do and teaching on my mind. So I know that by spending the summer in the US, I'm missing out on some really valuable experiences. I know, too, that reverse culture shock is often more intense than culture shock, and that this summer won't always be easy.
Overall, though, I'm delighted about my summer plans. I've been looking forward to baked goods, berries, not being stared at, forests, and other wondrous features of my former life. And while I'm glad to be returning to Cambodia soon, a few recent events have convinced me I'm ready for a break:
1. My hairdryer melted! Concrete evidence of the intensity of hot season. I was given one that a former teacher had left, and hadn't used it all year because it's too hot to wear my hair down. When I started packing, I picked it up and found it covered in a sticky residue. I realized that my room is so hot, the plastic on my hairdryer was actually melting.
2. My neighbors invited me to watch porn! OK, maybe I'm exaggerating, but everyone on screen was nude and I didn't feel inclined to watch it with my 60-something landlord. I walked in to pay rent and sat down to chat for a minute. Then they gestured for me to turn around: "Look, Chelsea, it's in English!" I told them, "I don't think I know that movie."
3. My bed broke! I only bought it this semester, when Michaela moved into my old room. But this week, I kept hearing things cracking ominously, and finally realized that several of the beams holding up my slats had fallen out.
4. Ants infested my underwear! Why only that shelf, out of all my clothes? Why yesterday, when I've been using that detergent all year? Why underwear, for crying out loud? Nothing a little Raid can't solve, but still aggravating when I was trying to pack.
I'm already getting nostalgic about this year and missing people from Logos. I know I'll be glad to come back in 2 months. But in the meantime, I think I'm finally ready to be stateside!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Cambodia: a skyscraper over a pit
On Friday, my friend Sheryl was telling me how disillusioned her Khmer tutor has become. A few years ago, he arrived in the city from his province, brilliant and accepted into a university, with lofty ambitions. Today, he feels hopeless, saying that he and his friends – like thousands of others from the province – are now well-educated but have no chance against the spoiled rich kids competing for their jobs. These smart kids from the province are left scrambling to survive, just like the average Cambodian: hoping for a few dollars a day from driving a moto, or working in a factory, or selling vegetables.
Many people on top are just as incompetent as they are corrupt. A generation earlier, his father had to read orders to an illiterate Khmer Rouge general; today, nothing has changed. These rich kids who get the good jobs are usually very poorly educated, having bought their grades all throughout school, and ill-equipped for their positions. Once in power, they freely exploit it to seek their own selfish gain. It makes no difference, though – they will always be hired over someone poorer, with fewer connections.
Sheryl is concerned that her tutor will become a freedom fighter if the occasion arises in the next ten years. While a small Cambodian middle class is developing in some ways, in other ways the gap between rich and poor is widening, and unemployment is an epidemic. Marie Ens, working here for decades, describes Cambodia as “a skyscraper built over a pit:” its glitzy new neighborhoods and showy business districts are so steeped in corruption that they are doomed to collapse. In several ways, conditions are parallel to life just before the Khmer Rouge. At that time, it was disillusioned intellectuals who rallied the peasants and gathered an army to overthrow the rich and powerful. Khmer Rouge leaders Pol Pot and his comrades, while attending university in France, learned about Communism and saw more hope in it than in the rigidly hierarchical status quo. But the only way in which they really achieved equality for all is that millions of rich and poor alike perished under their regime.
A Khmer colleague says that Cambodians don’t like to learn from their mistakes; they tend to be fatalistic rather than closely analyzing cause and effect relationships. So it’s not surprising that Cambodians have largely refused to address the repercussions of this genocide. Most older people don’t ever discuss it or tell their stories, and the government schools twist history to blame the Vietnamese for Khmer Rouge atrocities. Unlike Germans, who almost obsess about the Nazis and bend over backward to avoid any semblance of repeating history, the Khmer often ignore their painful legacy. So Sheryl feels that Cambodia is ripe for another revolution. The only way to avoid it is, she theorizes, if the cultural mentality very gradually shifts. So far, there’s no evidence that it has been, but God’s grace is mighty.
Being here has shown me how little I know about the future: not only for myself, but for my friends and my host country. If a revolution were to break out, my Khmer students would likely be in grave danger: they’re a minority religion, have foreign connections, and are well-educated. Any one of those would have gotten them killed under Pol Pot’s regime. I don’t want to be pessimistic or fearful, but nor do I want to pretend that the status quo is permanent. I just finished teaching 1984 in British Literature, and the most poignant discussion we had was on a Christian’s response to torture. Part of my job as a teacher is to equip my students for the future. All I know how to do is to keep pointing them toward the truth and pray that God will strengthen them to walk by faith, wherever He asks them to go. And I can rejoice that regardless of the short-term, ultimately their future IS secure and glorious: with Him forever!
Many people on top are just as incompetent as they are corrupt. A generation earlier, his father had to read orders to an illiterate Khmer Rouge general; today, nothing has changed. These rich kids who get the good jobs are usually very poorly educated, having bought their grades all throughout school, and ill-equipped for their positions. Once in power, they freely exploit it to seek their own selfish gain. It makes no difference, though – they will always be hired over someone poorer, with fewer connections.
Sheryl is concerned that her tutor will become a freedom fighter if the occasion arises in the next ten years. While a small Cambodian middle class is developing in some ways, in other ways the gap between rich and poor is widening, and unemployment is an epidemic. Marie Ens, working here for decades, describes Cambodia as “a skyscraper built over a pit:” its glitzy new neighborhoods and showy business districts are so steeped in corruption that they are doomed to collapse. In several ways, conditions are parallel to life just before the Khmer Rouge. At that time, it was disillusioned intellectuals who rallied the peasants and gathered an army to overthrow the rich and powerful. Khmer Rouge leaders Pol Pot and his comrades, while attending university in France, learned about Communism and saw more hope in it than in the rigidly hierarchical status quo. But the only way in which they really achieved equality for all is that millions of rich and poor alike perished under their regime.
A Khmer colleague says that Cambodians don’t like to learn from their mistakes; they tend to be fatalistic rather than closely analyzing cause and effect relationships. So it’s not surprising that Cambodians have largely refused to address the repercussions of this genocide. Most older people don’t ever discuss it or tell their stories, and the government schools twist history to blame the Vietnamese for Khmer Rouge atrocities. Unlike Germans, who almost obsess about the Nazis and bend over backward to avoid any semblance of repeating history, the Khmer often ignore their painful legacy. So Sheryl feels that Cambodia is ripe for another revolution. The only way to avoid it is, she theorizes, if the cultural mentality very gradually shifts. So far, there’s no evidence that it has been, but God’s grace is mighty.
Being here has shown me how little I know about the future: not only for myself, but for my friends and my host country. If a revolution were to break out, my Khmer students would likely be in grave danger: they’re a minority religion, have foreign connections, and are well-educated. Any one of those would have gotten them killed under Pol Pot’s regime. I don’t want to be pessimistic or fearful, but nor do I want to pretend that the status quo is permanent. I just finished teaching 1984 in British Literature, and the most poignant discussion we had was on a Christian’s response to torture. Part of my job as a teacher is to equip my students for the future. All I know how to do is to keep pointing them toward the truth and pray that God will strengthen them to walk by faith, wherever He asks them to go. And I can rejoice that regardless of the short-term, ultimately their future IS secure and glorious: with Him forever!
They’re so grown-up!
At graduation...
And last night's banquet
The seniors graduated yesterday, all eleven of them. It’s only Logos’ third graduating class. For me, it was amazing to see how personal a graduation ceremony could be. My graduations from high school and college had 630 and maybe 4000 students graduating, respectively. At this one, as each student walked, their baby pictures flashed across the screen as their homeroom teachers read statements each had written about Logos and future plans. I taught all but three this year, and I’ve had real conversations with every one of them, one-on-one, outside of class. I genuinely felt happy for each of them and deeply interested in their future after Logos. I’m going to miss them! (Well, except that they still have class Tuesday...I don't understand graduating before school is over.)
I was reminded several times of their past before Logos. The one American and four Koreans all had several cute baby pictures, whereas several Khmer (Cambodian) students only showed one faded photo before age ten or so. One Khmer student is from a wealthy family; the others are on scholarship, and only one of them lives with her birth parents. In her speech, the salutatorian talked about being invited as a young girl into the home of a foreign woman, Bonnie. She accepted the invitation but was afraid because she’d been warned about sexual abuse by foreigners. But instead of abusing her, that woman offered her a scholarship to Logos, changing her entire life. Today, this girl has flawless English, great critical thinking skills, and a vision for serving the people of Cambodia as a lawyer fighting corruption. (And she just might have the courage to do so!) This student now lives with Bonnie, escaping a hostile and often-abusive family, and says she’s amazed at how God’s been transforming her life after years and years in which she was closed off to the Gospel. Incredible, the result of Bonnie (who still works at Logos) seeing a young girl suffering and helping her access an education.
I’m praying for their future after Logos, and I’d love it if you would too. Some will be attending college in America or Thailand; others are working or interning locally next year; one has no idea of his plans. I’d love to see all of them receive a quality higher education, which currently seems out of reach to one girl in particular. But I’m reminded that just making it into, or even through, college isn’t a guarantee of future success. Especially not in Cambodia, where nepotism and wealth determine opportunity far more than knowledge or skills. Besides, Cambodia’s future is so uncertain. (More on that in the next blog entry.) It makes me wonder what will happen with these Cambodian Logos grads as they leave their safe haven and enter the “real world,” a world far harsher than I’ve ever known. Will their Western connections and English skills be enough to land them jobs long-term? Will they be able to support their parents and relatives, as they are often expected to do? And how come I got a job, no problem, right after graduation? I am so obscenely privileged. I know it’s God’s grace, but I want to live a life worthy of His calling, and such an enormous blessing sure does carry a heavy responsibility!
Here’s what I know but need constant reminders of: My God is faithful. Just as He has provided for me all this time, He has provided for my students and will continue to. Maybe not in the way I would like, but in a way that meets my students’ every need and glorifies His name. My students have been tested so much already in trusting God’s faithfulness, and have found Him reliable in situations far harder than I’ve ever faced. I am convinced that God’s power and love will be on display as they learn to walk with Him outside the close-knit warmth of the Logos community. Pray for them to have endurance and faith!
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