Crazy about Cambodia? On honor, shame, and comfort zones

This post is adapted from a talk I gave at my church this month.

When people hear that I’ve spent 6 years in Cambodia and I plan to move back, they often say, “Wow, you must really love it.” 

And it’s true, I do really love it… most of the time. I loved teaching English and French at an international Christian school when I was there before, and I am excited to return this fall to disciple and train Cambodian teachers. In fact, I want to go deeper. I’m going to be leaving the international school, where I could speak English and have lots of American colleagues, to focus on working with Cambodians in their own language and culture.

But the other side of the story is, Cambodia is also way outside my comfort zone. After 6 years, there are still things I just don’t get about Cambodian culture. Some days I feel like Cambodia will never truly be my home. And I expected that discomfort before I ever got there, knowing that Cambodia is in Southeast Asia, on the other side of the world.

I didn’t go to Cambodia because I thought I would be crazy about it. I went because I knew that God is crazy about Cambodia. He made Cambodians in His image, and He’s bringing Cambodians to Himself in some amazing ways. One thing I really do love about life in Cambodia, though, is that leaving my comfort zone and exploring another culture has helped me to better understand the world, myself, and God.

Everyone likes stories, right? Let me share with you a few stories of things that have confused or frustrated me:

• Some parents at my old school didn’t let their daughters play team sports because they worried their girls might be injured and end up with a scar. So? Why should the threat of a little white line on her knee keep her from joining her friends on the soccer field? 
• Often when I got lost and stopped to ask people for directions, they would smile and say sure, but then they would tell me the wrong way to go. I’d end up even more lost than before. Is that their twisted sense of humor?
• When I mentored public school teachers last summer, I asked one of them if he was free to meet at 9 and he said he was. Then at 9:30 he told me, “By the way, I should probably go teach my class. It started at 9.” Wait, you left students alone in the classroom for half an hour? Why didn’t you just tell me you were busy?

The key to understanding these incidents is the idea of honor and shame, which I've recently started learning about. Honor and shame are a big deal in Cambodia and much of the world, and missionaries are realizing that this truth has powerful implications for how we share the Gospel in these cultures. This 5-minute video explains it better than I can.

Can you see now how honor and shame help explain those frustrating incidents?

• Parents didn’t want their girls to bear a scar because a scar would detract from the honor of their daughter, and by extension, their whole family. You may remember the song in the Disney movie Mulan, “You’ll bring honor to us all."
•  The strangers giving directions lied about which way to go because they didn’t know either. They didn’t want to disappoint me or embarrass themselves by admitting their ignorance, so they tried to tell me no in a subtle, indirect way… but this dumb American missed the hint. I still don’t always recognize the difference between a confident, happy smile meaning "yes" and an awkward, hesitant smile meaning "probably not." 
• The teacher started class half an hour late so he wouldn’t rush me as an experienced, knowledgeable teacher who was there to help him. He was showing respect and honor for me and what I had to say by giving me his attention. As mentioned in the video, he prioritized the event (my visit) over the time (for class to start).

The work and frustration of adjusting to Cambodians’ worldview has benefited me in the US too. For example, I’m currently getting a master’s degree at Lehigh University. Thinking about honor and shame has helped me build stronger friendships with international classmates. There are many people right here in Pennsylvania who see the world primarily in terms of honor and shame. In fact, honor is a value for most Americans, even if it may be much farther down the totem pole.

Living in an honor-shame culture has expanded my view of God, because God is not only the God of America but the God of all nations. The Gospel is about justice, about how God sent his innocent son to die for us guilty humans to right all our wrongs and take away our punishment. But for someone in Cambodia, where corruption reigns and judges decide cases based on connections and bribes, descriptions of God as our judge don't always resonate. What's cool is that the Gospel isn't only about justice. It’s also about honor, about how God sent his glorious son to die the most shameful death, naked on a cross in front of everyone, to accept us, the outcasts, and bring us into His royal family. The message of Christ is simple enough for children to grasp – “Jesus died for me” – and yet we can spend a lifetime contemplating it without seeing all its facets.

We Christians have been entrusted with a truth that sets prisoners free and brings the dead to life. It would be so selfish to hoard that truth for ourselves, our families, and our closest friends. Just like we steward our money, we’re called to steward the truth, by displaying it in our words and our actions every chance we get. Evangelism isn’t an annual event that the church staff coordinates; it’s a lifestyle that all Christ-followers are called to pursue daily. 

So I want to challenge you likewise to leave your comfort zone and love people who are not like you. If you’re not inclined to take a 24-hour plane trip to Cambodia, why don’t you look outside your front door? I bet you have neighbors who strongly disagree with your views on nutrition, money, and politics. At your workplace, there may be people with disabilities, addictions, and family difficulties you’ve never experienced. There are people in Doylestown who have other skin colors, who speak other languages, who are Hindu and Mormon and atheist and Muslim.

We’re a diverse nation. But you know what? So is the family of God. Jesus didn’t love people because they shared His tastes and his background. He loved people because they bore God’s image, and because they desperately needed Him, and because God is love.

Pastor Ronaldo recently preached on Colossians 3:11. “Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” When we get to heaven, we’re going to share eternity with people from all these backgrounds and many more. And in our incredible diversity we’ll have incredible unity in loving the One who called us all out of darkness and into His marvelous light.

If you’re worried that you can’t love people like Jesus loves them, you’re right. I’ve tried to do it on my own and maybe you have too. It's exhausting. But the value of leaving our comfort zone and loving people who are different from us is simple:

When we risk needing more of God, 

we end up SEEING more of God. 

Only God’s Spirit in us can empower us to love people the way God loves them. Even when they’re different from us. Even when loving them doesn’t come easily.

Who is that neighbor...
                                           that colleague...
                                                                         that parent of your child’s friend... 
who’s outside your comfort zone? 

Are you praying for eyes to see God’s image stamped on him or her? 
Are you starting conversations even when you’re not sure what to say? 
Are you pressing through the awkwardness, 
            inviting them to share stories and time and meals? 
Are you asking the Holy Spirit to fill you with His love and power? 

God is crazy about all kinds of people because He made them. And when we draw near to Him, that love is contagious.