Chelsea the Neighbor Nanny

Since returning to the US in June, I've taken on a new job. You can tell it's different because of the following:

• While I used to find late slips and paperclips in my pockets, I now find them filled with plastic dinosaurs and acorns and sparkly jewels.
• While I used to ask myself each morning, "Can this outfit handle flood waters, hot season power outages, and/or blustery moto rides?" I now ask myself, "Can this outfit handle holding a small child with muddy flip-flops, crawling through a playground tunnel, and/or supervising a painting activity?"

Yes, indeed, I've switched from teaching high school in urban Cambodia to nannying in suburban Pennsylvania - in fact, right down the road from my parents' house. It's been so fun (albeit sometimes draining) getting to know these three kids the past few months. Let me introduce them to you.

Caely (age 8) 
(short for "Michaela")

Greatest joy: her dog, Kena. Caely thinks every song gets better if you replace a key word with “Kena,” and frequently tells me stories about how Kena was her first-ever friend as an infant.

Not a fan of… Aiden being in her room. Since his recent escapades include smearing calamine lotion on her bed and conditioner on her beloved plush horse, I can’t totally blame her.

Big enough to… persuade her siblings to do nearly anything. Thankfully she uses that latter power for good... usually.

Small enough to… get nervous about the addition problems in her summer math packet.

Wants to be... a chef. She can already make tasty spaghetti sauce from scratch without a recipe!

Quotable quote (about the little girl in Blueberries for Sal): “She ate blueberries the whole way up the hill? She must have been really poor!” (This from a girl who likes blueberries, by the way.)

Aiden (age 4)

Greatest joy: snuggling. And running around. Sometimes in quick succession.

Not a fan of… long "quiet times" (napping/reading) after lunch. He always makes me promise it will be short, even though he's usually sound asleep when I come to get him up afterward. 

Big enough to… swing on his own, as of mid-June, but he still likes when I push him. I’ve compromised with him: every other time he starts, I start him.

Small enough to… put everything in his mouth. His T-shirt collar. Toys. Playing cards. Things he finds on the ground outside. 

Wants to be... a worker who builds houses, and lawnmowers, and school buses. (These were all in view when I asked him. Last time I asked, he said "a police.")

Quotable quote: “I can pet your dog?!” This is his plaintive call to every dog owner he sees in the parks and neighborhood, no matter how often I have him rephrase it as "May I please pet your dog." All three kids drop everything and come running whenever a dog comes into view.

Caitlin (age 3) 

Greatest joy: being pushed on the swings. (It has to start like this: "Are you ready? Are you really really ready? Are you SUPER-DUPER-ready? OK, here we go!") Also, chapter books about fairies. She'd check out twenty a week from the library if I let her, just because the covers are pretty and she knows Caely likes them.

Not a fan of… being left behind. She may be the youngest, but she hates it when she’s the slowest! 

Big enough to… scale the playground climbing wall, and to zip around on her scooter like a champ. She's pretty agile - maybe it's related to the previous point. 

Small enough to… insist on having someone accompany her into the bathroom. Every. Time. 

Wants to be... a policeman. Or maybe a fireman. Or a worker like Aiden. 

Quotable quote: I took her to the doctor yesterday for a rash. She was pretty nervous, since her last doctor's visit involved a gash in her eyebrow that required five stitches. But Caitlin was very cooperative in yesterday's appointment, and the doctor quickly diagnosed the rash. As the doctor walked out of the room, Caitlin muttered in a disgusted voice, "That was boring." 

They jumped at the chance to introduce themselves to my friends and family...

We've had a lot of fun together in the back yard and driveway, at my church's Vacation Bible School, at playgrounds and parks, at the Y and the library, and at my house. We even went to the beach with my parents.

Since my grad courses started last week, I'm trying to tide them over until their school starts late next week, but very thankful that their family is flexible regarding my hours. I'm hoping to continue several times a week, after Caely and Aiden arrive home from school (3rd grade and preschool, respectively). These kids are so lovable, and they've quite effectively wormed their way into my heart! 

The endangered art of "marrying poor"

I'm a published author! I wrote this article recently for my first Lehigh grad class, which focused on diversity and inequity. I'm not an expert on this complex topic, but I enjoyed researching it. My professor, Dr. Sothy Eng, has a Huffington Post account and is publishing several of my classmates' papers there as well.

Marriage for Low-Income Americans is Still Worth Fighting For

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!"

Today's marriage landscape has shifted -- particularly among the working-class. There's still plenty of love and babies, but wedding rings have grown rarer. Yet many low-income Americans still desire marriage, according to Andrew Cherlin in his article, "The Deinstitutionalization of American Marriage," published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

While marrying was long seen as the threshold to adulthood, today it is perceived more as its pinnacle, a status symbol following education and financial independence. And as wealthier Millennials delay marriage, their poorer counterparts struggle to achieve these "prerequisites."

Meanwhile, they are cohabiting and having children as early as their parents did. Among first-time moms, 94 percent of college graduates are married, vs. only 57 percent of those who never attended college, according to sociologist Kathryn Edin. In 2008, 48 percent of less-educated adults were married versus 64 percent of the college-educated: a 16 percent gap, according to Pew Research. Marriage has become a "middle-class luxury item."

It's not that low-income Americans have discarded marriage. They were as likely as high-income respondents to agree that, "A happy, healthy marriage is one of the most important things in life" and "People who have children together ought to be married." They were less likely to see divorce as "a reasonable solution to an unhappy marriage" or to affirm that "It is okay for couples who are not married to live together," according to Trail and Karney in their article, "What's (Not) Wrong With Low-Income Marriages" published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

The disconnect between marriage-related values and actions stems largely from concrete obstacles. Sociologist Kathryn Edin argues that the working class value both parenting and marriage, but see the former as more attainable.

Due to everyday economic pressures, working-class Americans' fear of entrapment and failure keeps them from marrying. However, practical assistance could let more people enjoy the many advantages of a strong marriage.

They're afraid they can't afford marriage...

Low-income respondents place a higher value on a potential spouse's financial stability. They often associate married life with a certain standard of living, and everyone knows weddings aren't cheap. I know an engaged cohabiting couple with a newborn; they haven't set a wedding date because he's just starting out in a blue-collar industry. He wants to wait until he can give her "the married life she deserves," which might take a while.

Plus, unlike most couples, low-income couples often pay higher taxes when married than when cohabiting. Why? Married couples must file taxes jointly. But the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), highly effective at encouraging single moms to work, phases out quickly with a second salary. An unwed mother with one child and an income of $15,000 receives over $3000 via the EITC, regardless of her cohabitating partner's salary. But by marrying someone who earns $25,000, she enters a higher bracket and loses nearly the whole credit. This "marriage penalty" deters many struggling couples.

... But marriage fosters long-term prosperity.

Unlike those with a college degree, less-educated women receive minimal salary boosts by delaying marriage. Especially if they have a child before wedlock, which increases the risk of an "absent or unreliable" father, the cost of parenting usually swallows up their wage increase. In fact, "single-parent households are five times more likely to be poor than two-parent households."

Meanwhile, marriage tends to increase men's annual earnings, regardless of their education level. Marriage reduces poverty. Reforming the EITC to eliminate marriage penalties and protect working-class families could yield long-term savings on Medicaid and welfare.

Couples in higher brackets usually receive a "marriage bonus" by filing taxes jointly. Why on earth would the government penalize low-income married couples?

They're afraid of feeling trapped...

Many cohabiting young adults doubt they'll marry their current partner. Some men see few incentives for marriage, since cohabitation offers many of the same immediate benefits and has largely lost its stigma. They fear increased nagging from their wives regarding financial provision and overall behavior.

Some low-income women express fear of more traditional gender roles emerging after marriage. Some also have concerns about domestic violence and substance abuse. "If I'm free to break up anytime," they reason, "he'll behave himself and let me make my own decisions."

Yet while couples can "slide" into cohabitation with little dedication, practical constraints often arise (like babies and shared possessions), leading some couples to stay together longer than they should.

... But marriage improves their odds of health and happiness.

Cohabitation is a poor substitute for marriage's long-term benefits. For example, that very nagging from wives contributes to married men's longer lifespans.

Marriage is more stable than cohabitation. Unmarried parents are much more likely than married parents to break up by the child's fifth birthday, enter a new live-in relationship, and have children with multiple partners. "Children suffer emotionally, academically, and financially when they are thrown onto this kind of relationship carousel," according to the report Knot Yet by the National Marriage Project. Kids thrive best with the consistent presence and involvement of both parents.

Adults, too, are often safer and happier when married. Cohabiting couples compose48 percent of domestic violence cases, while married couples represent only 19 percent. The commitment of marriage vows, combined with stronger bonds with family and friends, tends to hold spouses accountable to treat each other well. With or without children, married twenty-somethings report less drunkenness, less depression, and more overall satisfaction with their lives than their single and cohabiting peers.

They're afraid of failure...

Many low-income Americans fear divorce. Instead of strong marriage role models, they often have painful memories of their parents' failed relationships. Low-income married couples face higher risks of separation and divorce compared to their wealthier peers, and many doubt they can beat the odds. One mother told Edin, "I don't believe in divorce. That's why none of the women in my family are married."

Working-class women are "increasingly giving up on men and marriage," as men "who feel like failures in the job market" hesitate to shoulder family responsibilities, according to the Knot Yet report. Today, a black male high school dropout is more likely to be incarcerated than employed, according to a Brookings Institution's report.

Partially to blame are job training and employment initiatives, which often target single mothers and exclude men. Since the EITC's 1975 implementation, workforce participation has jumped for low-income or less-educated women but "stagnated" around 21 percent among their male counterparts, even declining in some subsets. Government policies "do little right now to encourage work or marriage" among these men, who may conclude shirking responsibility is in their family's best interest, based on a social policy report by Urban Institute.

... But marriage could nudge them toward a path to success.

When disadvantaged men believe they are superfluous, they despair and their community suffers. They need help to become valued employees, fathers, and husbands. Successful programs exist to teach entrepreneurship and money management, for example. An expanded EITC could also incentivize work among childless singles by offsetting reductions in welfare. Promoting employment would position more men to consider marriage.

Research suggests that marriage produces a "responsibility ethic" for men, yielding more income, more time at work, and more time with their family and its community. Though some of that is just correlation, marriage does seem to influence men positively.

With proper support, couples do better. Specifically, couples could benefit from joint mentoring by an older couple volunteering as role models, supporting them as they decide about marriage and helping them build a quality relationship. The government should sponsor successful mentorship programs run by nonprofits and churches.

More than a middle-class luxury

Many low-income families desperately need the mutual trust, financial benefits, and emotional health associated with marriage. Yet the next generation is growing up believing marriage is not for "people like us." Altered policies can promote employment among all demographics so marriage is a viable option for everyone. Without shaming single parents and cohabiting couples, we need to raise awareness of marriage's many advantages, particularly regarding children. Restoring a marriage-friendly environment is worth the fight.

Deluge

I promise I'll write soon about my new life in PA. But in the meantime, I'm sharing this delicious poem written by my friend and former Logos colleague Hillary Snyder. I like it not only because it evokes sweet and rueful memories of Cambodia, but because of its intricate sestina structure, using the same six words (road, slow, puddles, mud, holes, maze) in various orders to end the lines in each stanza. 

You can find it and other writings by her on her blog. I'm a bit envious of her talent, and so thankful Logos students get to continue studying  English with her!


Deluge

the cacophony of car horns blaring up and down the road
most mornings gives way to the slow
progress of motorists weaving across puddles
that hide pits of glass, bricks, and mud—
whatever objects shop owners find fit to mend holes
and restore some semblance of order to the maze

of haphazard traffic that moves as if there is no maze
in this melee.   cars and motorbikes converge on the road
with expertise.  there will always be holes—
for them.  my own progress here is as slow
as theirs, my novice skills inept. The thought of my mud-
caked frame if I were to fall in these puddles

stops me. and the puddles
are omens of the rains to come, a maze
of disorder that, combined with the mud,
brings me to question the Road
I’ve chosen— in a city that seems at once to reject slow,
and to embrace slow progress in fixing these holes.

I yearn to pause in front of holes
instead of rush through them, and to seek reflections in puddles
instead of facing the brown, congealed mess that’s slow
to dry in the humid air.  other motorists maze
their way toward their own Road
oblivious to the mire and mud.

I see others walking in the mud,
monks in tangerine humility whose Holes
are Wholes on their austere Road.
They diverge around the puddles
and in a show of reverence the maze-
weavers pause or come to a slow.

oh, heart of mine, so slow
to see anything but mud
in a city desperate for watering holes
that rain can’t provide!  Through the maze
of wandering souls these puddles
ripple with the reality of life on this road.

a hint of the slow, ritual streaks of the maize
and coral mornings reflects in the mud-filled puddles
and the holes in my soul seem as empty as those in the road—

Scottish for Beginners: Wedding Edition

In June, I had the immense privilege of attending the wedding of my Scottish friends Michaela and Neil. Michaela and I lived and taught together for five years in Phnom Penh, and I first met Neil when he visited her in Cambodia in fall 2013. In fall 2014, he moved there to join us on staff at Logos, but soon had to leave due to a stroke. So the last time I saw the two of them was last September at a hospital in Bangkok, where we shared a chuckle about gecko-flavored coffee, among other things. 

This time around in Scotland was a much more joyous occasion and an incredible testament to their perseverance and God's healing power. I spent a week there, inseparable from my fellow North Americans and former/current Logos teachers, Lorissa and Susan. 

Highlights included the lush green landscape, replete with early-summer blossoms, as well as two nights in the castle (!) where they were married, and a side trip at the end to the historic, charming city of Edinburgh. (Are you jealous yet?) I didn't get many souvenirs since I was in transit between Cambodia and the US with all my earthly possessions, but I did come away with some fun new lingo. Here are the words that stuck with me, illustrated with examples and photos from my trip. Confession: I'm guessing many of these words are also common across the UK and beyond, rather than being specifically Scottish, but they were new to me (besides #10) - even after five years as Michaela's housemate.

1. confetti (n.) - not just tiny bits of paper, but also dried flower petals, sometimes thrown at the bride and groom after the wedding ceremony.

Examples:
Michaela's mom Brenda persuaded her that offering tiny paper bags of confetti to guests would revive a sweet old tradition.

Brenda was delighted that Lorissa and I could help pluck flowers for the confetti, but in our minds it didn't exactly feel like work.

Amid the excitement on the morning of the wedding, the basket of confetti was left behind, but a few children still brought their own paper confetti to throw.

2. black pudding (n.) - a blood sausage made of congealed pig's blood and fat cooked with spices, onions, and lots of oats. It's often fried before serving.

Examples:
The "full Scottish breakfast" provided at our hotel included black pudding.

The waitress confirmed Lorissa's and my hunch of what black pudding was, but also encouraged us to try it, vowing it was delicious.

Lorissa and I ended up enjoying our black pudding and getting it on subsequent occasions, but Susan wasn't quite sold on it.

Our black pudding was topped with a tomato.
The casing is inedible.

3. hill walking (v.) - hiking in the hills or mountains.

Examples:

We visited Crathes Castle, near Michaela's house, where her mom often takes the dog hill walking through the grounds.

Scotland is a wonderful place for hill walking because there are no laws against trespassing; as long as you close gates behind you and pick up your litter, you're free to enter anyone's property.

We enjoyed some scenic hill walking near our hotel in Michaela's hometown.

Lorissa and me at Crathes Castle

Trespassing has rarely been so scenic.

4. Sat Nav (n.) - a Satellite Navigator, otherwise known as GPS.

Examples:

Lorissa, Susan, and I were too cheap to pay for a Sat Nav in our rental car, due to Scottish sticker shock, our unemployment, and a "can-do" attitude stemming from years in Cambodia.

A Sat Nav would have helped when we got lost on our way through the fog-shrouded hills of the Highlands en route to the wedding rehearsal. 

Despite lacking a Sat Nav, we successfully found not only the wedding venue (Drumtochty Castle!) but also several other beautiful locations on our way from there to Edinburgh after the wedding.

Susan got a big kick out of our cute car and driving on the "wrong" side of the road.
And hey, look, it's Brenda, Michaela, and Neil at Drumtochty Castle!

The Coastal Highway from Glasgow to Edinburgh

5. Order of Service (n.) - the program given to guests for the wedding. 

Examples:

Lorissa and Susan folded papers and tied ribbons for the Order of Service while I practiced guitar at the wedding rehearsal.

The Order of Service featured some entrancing songs from the region, like the Celtic fiddle and flute duet "Crow Road Croft" (used in the processional) and Rend Collective's "Immeasurably More" (for the recessional).

6. Signing the register (n.) - the part of the wedding ceremony when the bride and groom make their marriage legal and official.

Examples:

When Michaela initially asked me to play guitar during the signing of the register, I thought she meant I'd play as guests signed a guest book when first arriving.

Since we weren't sure how long it would take to sign the register, I prepared an arrangement of "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty" and a classical song that I could divide into chunks to stop whenever they were finished.

It was a privilege to play as she and Neil signed the register, but I was relieved when it was over and I hadn't wrought havoc on their ceremony.

7. fascinator (n.) - a woman's decorative hairpiece, containing feathers, artificial flowers, lace, and/or ribbons, often worn at weddings.

Examples:

It used to be that every Scottish woman wore a hat to weddings, but now fascinators have become trendy.

Probably half the female guests wore fascinators - about the same as the proportion of male guests wearing kilts.

Michaela's aunt sported a bright pink fascinator to match her pink dress, and mused to me, "It just doesn't feel like a wedding without a hat or a fascinator."

Michaela's mom, Brenda, wore a fascinator...

(the men are Michaela's dad, Gerry, and Neil)

... as did three guests pictured here.

8. tablet (n.) - a sweet vanilla treat, similar to a square of fudge, often eaten with coffee or tea after a meal.

Examples:

The whole time we were in her hometown, Michaela's dad, Gerry, kept us on a sugar buzz with local treats like tablet.

At the reception, Lorissa and I couldn't resist having our tea and tablet the posh British way - pinkies out! 

9. Tunnock's teacakes (n.) - a chocolatey, marshmallowy treat proudly made by a local company outside Glasgow.

Examples:

Neil and Michaela left sweet gifts for each of us in our room at the castle: Tunnock's teacakes, a thoughtful note, and a can of Irn-Bru (a very sweet Scottish soft drink known as "Scotland's other national drink").

Tunnock's teacakes are one of many fine Tunnock's products, including caramel logs and caramel wafer biscuits. 

Michaela stumbled upon the brilliant idea of making a "Tunnock's tower" of treats for the ceilidh dance, which we had fun constructing.

Lorissa and Susan look inclined to sneak off with the tower, don't they?

10. ceilidh (n.) - a traditional Gaelic social gathering featuring dances akin to a US square dance. Pronounced KAY-lee.

Examples:

Ceilidhs are common in Scotland and Ireland for social events such as birthdays, town festivals, and weddings.

I had previous ceilidh experience since I helped Michaela host two of them at Logos for her birthday and another housemate's birthday... perhaps the only two ceilidhs ever held in Cambodia.

I love ceilidh music - especially with a live band, like at the wedding!

I was amazed by Neil's ceilidh dancing performance with Michaela to kick off the evening - last time I saw him in September, he was learning to wiggle his left big toe.

The ceilidh dances required a bit of concentration but were pretty accessible even to beginners.

A "Gay Gordons" dance

~    ~    ~    ~    ~    ~    ~    ~    ~

Last fall I wrote Neil and Michaela a limerick on a paper gecko and put it into a teapot to send to them in Bangkok. (Long story - read it here.)

A gecko once traveled to Thailand,

Finding Neil and Michaela inside-land.

Celtic music was played

In their room every day:

Preparation for ceilidhs in the Highlands.

When I wrote it, I was hoping - but not sure - that they could still get married this summer in spite of his stroke. I wasn't sure he'd ever be able to ceilidh again, though I knew Michaela had always dreamed of hosting a ceilidh at her wedding. Seeing it with my own eyes, and dancing alongside them,  and in the Highlands at that... it was truly a moving experience. 

My Dear BoB

“I love BoB!” she’d always gush. “But please don’t come… I don’t want it to fill up with Logos teachers.”

My housemate Erin had joined a house church, invited by the Truex family, whose three kids attended our school. They and several other families from their organization had started meeting each Sunday afternoon for Bible study, prayer, and worship. They’d named the church BoB – Body of Believers, a pun on the name of the pastor, Bob Butler. (He resisted the name choice for a while, but in vain.) Most of them were attending a Khmer-language church in the mornings, which was a great ministry opportunity but not fulfilling their desire for community and heart-to-heart conversation. They wanted a place to worship God in their own “heart language” and apply the Bible to their own lives, not just the very different-looking lifestyles of their Cambodian friends.

Erin was delighted to join BoB. Her own church was struggling and dwindling since its pastor had returned to his home country several months earlier. Like all of us at Logos, she didn’t know enough Khmer to get much out of a Khmer-language church service, and like most of us, she was growing frustrated with the time it took to travel across town to and from other international English-speaking churches. (Logos is on the northern edge of Phnom Penh, while most English churches are pretty far south.) The most popular alternative was Shalom, a church that met at our school, where we already spent 60 hours a week. Erin was finding it hard to build friendships with people outside of school, which is why she loved the welcoming community at BoB… and why she didn’t want her housemates tagging along. Could you blame her? There were a lot of us Logos teachers, and we did nearly everything together. She knew it would change the dynamic if too many of us traipsed in.

We respected her wishes, but listened longingly to her stories of intergenerational community and thought-provoking conversations and pot lucks with rare-in-Phnom-Penh comfort foods like 7-layer nacho dip. And about six months later, when she moved back to the US, several of us descended upon BoB. My own decision was simplified because my friend Sarah and I were sharing a moto, and she wanted to attend there. Soon Sarah and I loved it as much as Erin had, and new teachers Lisa Hines and the Ketchum family also made it their church home. The nine of us increased attendance by about 1/3 and strained the seating limits in Bob and Vickie’s living room, but we were warmly welcomed just as Erin had been. The church continued to grow to about 40 people.

At the Truexes' for a Thanksgiving pot luck, November 2013

Though I already had awesome community at Logos, BoB gained a unique place in my heart. The testimonies were a big part of it. Each week, people shared praise reports and prayer requests from their lives and ministries. Many BoB members were working at Mercy Medical Center, a Christian hospital providing cheap/free care for desperate Cambodians from all over the nation. They had spellbinding stories of medical crises, spiritual warfare (ex. a demon-possessed woman screaming in their parking lot until Cambodian staff prayed for her), and follow-up visits to patients’ home villages. Several others were teaching English to Cambodian university students, while a few were helping with a children’s home. I loved hearing about God’s work in Cambodia beyond Logos, and praying about this work helped unite us. We had a neat opportunity to experience the Mercy Medical Center ministry firsthand when we helped their Cambodian co-workers paint their new home - what a beautiful, joyful family! 

Meeting two of the sisters whose home we helped paint

The Ketchum girls and their dad

I also enjoyed the interactive teaching time. Bob, our pastor, usually preached through a book of the Bible, and while he prepared a sermon and gave us an outline for notes, he also invited our comments and questions throughout it. Since a number of members had attended seminary, they often brought extra information and knowledgeable perspectives to the discussion, as well as stories of their experiences with the principles in each passage. It was also great to discuss how the passage related to our current lives. We had members from the Netherlands, Korea, Canada, and Australia, as well as Americans from many states and theological backgrounds. Through their stories, I learned about Khmer slang, the classical music scene in Switzerland, a California cult in the 1960's, and women's sports in Israel. The sermons were great on their own, but the discussion portion really helped make each passage real to me. There was a lot of laughter, too.

Probably my sweetest, most profound memories from BoB relate to suffering. BoB members have seen a lot of it in the last few years... not just the normal stresses and heartache of living in another country, but specifically medical issues. The Truexes, who originally invited Erin and the rest of us, watched their oldest daughter Marianne suffer crippling pain due to endometriosis. As surgery after surgery, doctor after doctor, failed to offer relief, they made the agonizing decision to wrench her away from her last semester at Logos and uproot their whole family to return to the US, uncertain it would improve her condition. We laid hands on her and them before their return, crying out to God to heal her. To the doctors’ surprise, she did indeed vastly improve in the US, and today is thriving in nursing school. (The other Truexes are now back in Cambodia.) Lisa Hines suffered unexplicable chronic pain in her wrist and ankles, eventually receiving a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis – not an easy realization for someone in her early ‘30s, and not easy to treat in Cambodia. I am in awe of her patient, uncomplaining endurance. Angie Ketchum has stared cancer in the face three times in the last three years, and we at BoB have done our best to support her and her family, amazed each time by the steadfast faith and love on display in their lives. Praying for each of these situations, time after time, has knit our church community together.

At the Butlers' house as usual, May 2014

Like any international church in Cambodia, ours has been a transient community, with many tearful goodbyes. Some people have been in Cambodia only a year; others for more than a decade. But despite the uncertainty of who would be around the following year, we acted like a family. Last fall, Bob and Vickie were wrested away from their ministry and their three foster daughters in Cambodia when Vickie’s father-in-law passed away rather suddenly last fall, leaving her mother on her own with severe dementia. Several other core members had left or were on their way out of town for various reasons. Attendance had already dwindled to about 20, and only ten - all Logos teachers - would be left in Phnom Penh by January. We prepared a Christmas party at my house as our last hurrah, this time with the Butlers at the center of our prayers. “It's been wonderful,” we all agreed, “but this season is coming to a close.”

Then the Ketchums approached the four single girls. “This format has worked better for us and our daughters than the bigger international churches,” they told us. “We’d like to continue meeting at home every Sunday. Care to join us?” I was initially hesitant. Only 10 of us? No pastor? Was that really a church? But like two of the other girls, I knew I was leaving in June, and I didn't have the energy to start over with a new church. Plus I really love the Ketchums, and I liked the idea of meeting in their home. We all ended up accepting their offer, and what a sweet semester it's been. We've listened to various sermons online and have continued the prayer/sharing time and live worship - it helps that Ryan is one of the most talented musicians I've ever met. In this smaller context, it's been easier than ever to bring snacks to share, and we started staying for a meal each week instead of just the occasional pot luck, all of us working together to slice mangoes and flip pancakes. Plus, with just four non-family members, the Ketchum girls felt freer to chat with us, share testimonies, and pray aloud. It's been so fun getting to know them better! 

This May, Bob returned for a visit, as well as his foster daughters and another couple, Thomas and Anna Kuhlmann, who had spent the winter in the US and now lived too far south of Phnom Penh to attend most weeks. It was great exchanging stories of God's blessing in all of our lives and how the Bible had been teaching us. Bob and Vickie are now on their way to Thailand, with her mother in tow, to reach out to Khmer migrant workers there. (Unlike Cambodia, Thailand has trained medical professionals who can help care for her mom.) Bob's stories of God humbling him through the difficulties they faced in the US in order to change his mind and make him open to ministry in Thailand brought tears to my eyes. Their three foster girls, two of whom are in their 20's, are also thriving and experiencing God's provision. We all agreed - God has been good to us the last several years in Cambodia, and BoB Church has always been a great channel of God's faithfulness to us.  

By May 2015, only the most solemn BoB members were left.