Humans of Preah Vihear 2

Today I want to introduce you to Ry. I first met her when she was in grade 10, her first year as a student at the Plas Prai dorm. Like other students, she was from a low-income rural family that lived too far from a high school to send her there without help. I remember Ry was always up for a volleyball or soccer game, and she consistently attended the optional Bible study. 

After graduating in 2020, she attended Discipleship Training School with YWAM. Last fall, at age 21, she joined YWAM as a faith-based volunteer at our dorm. She was offered a full scholarship to university, which we're hoping she'll accept after her 2-year dorm service. She's also a student in our part-time Bible school, and like the others, she recorded testimony videos with our guest lecturer Bora back in January. Ry is laid-back, quick to laugh, and passionate about Jesus. No wonder some of the male students have crushes on her. 

I'm getting to know not only Ry but also her family. Ry's younger sister Khoun, age 20, is a new grade 10 student this year at Plas Prai. (Many rural students start school late because they have to walk or bike to school, and repeating grades is also pretty common.) Last week, I got to join Ry and two others to visit Ry's parents back in the village. More on that below.

 

Video 1: "My life has hope"

“Hi, my name is Ry. I’m from Jey Sain district, Preah Vihear province, and currently living in Preah Vihear town. I volunteer at the Plas Prai dorm for high school students, which is where I first became a Christian. I want to tell you about how I first believed in Jesus. I used to be really shy and critical of myself, always comparing myself to others. I was insecure, timid, and afraid. I was so focused on comparison that I didn’t want to be around other people. 

But when I came to live at Plas Prai, I learned a lot about the God who created the world. He’s the only one who can rescue us. He came to earth, died for our sin, rose again, and returned to heaven. When I believed in Jesus, my life changed dramatically. I understood my identity: who I am, where I came from, and where I’m going – to heaven to be with God. 

Once I believed, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I trusted God’s plans for my future and stopped comparing myself to others. I understood Jesus’ love for me and I wanted to show it to other people around me. Jesus humbled himself by giving up heaven to become a humble person and He loves people no matter their situation or status. He forgives our sins. The Bible says healthy people don’t need a doctor – only sick people do. Similarly, Jesus came to save people who know they are sinners. 

In my life, since believing in Jesus, I’ve seen that He’s with me every day and He won’t let me lack anything or be afraid, no matter what situation I face. He’s our best friend who will never abandon us. In Matthew 28:20, Jesus tells us to teach others to obey His commands and know that He’s with us until the end of time. Learning all of this helped me to trust Him even more and see how amazing He is.” 

Video 2: "My experience being mocked for my faith"

"I want to talk a bit about my experience when I first believed in Jesus. I experienced some persecution as the first believer in my family, but more than my family, it was my neighbors and especially my friends who really spoke out against me. They made fun of me and called me 'Jesus.' But I told them, 'No, I’m not God.' My older brother-in-law had learned about Christianity before, but it was so different from what I had learned about God: that He’s the God of salvation who created the heavens and the earth.

My friends also used to criticize me: 'You’re graduating high school [which is rare in Jey Sain] but you don’t have a job. Why do you want to be a volunteer serving God with no salary?' But I told them, 'I’ve received Christ and now want to serve Him. I don’t need to focus on earthly wealth that can be stolen or devoured by bugs and rats. I’m focusing on treasure in heaven that can’t be lost or burnt or destroyed.' To me, the most important thing is to see people around me receive salvation. 

God encouraged me that even though I’m a poor volunteer right now, I can have joy in seeing people accept Christ. We can’t take money with us when we die, but God is preparing amazing heavenly treasure for believers. So I want to encourage my fellow Christians not to worry about wealth on earth and what to eat every day. Let’s trust God and follow Him daily.”

Ry's family

The trip to Ry's village last week was 27 miles but took us about 90 minutes, mostly on the last few miles after we got off a good road. It was so bumpy that poor Sophoeurt, Ry's best friend and fellow dorm grad-turned-volunteer, got carsick multiple times even after moving back to the truck bed. 

On the way, Carolyn and I asked Ry about her parents. She said her mom is quiet but her dad is social. They married for love, somewhat unusual for their generation, and still love each other, which is even more unusual. They don't fight much, partly because Ry's dad rarely gets drunk. Ry is the 6th of 8 children and the first in her family to finish high school. 

L to R: Sophoeurt, Ry's parents, Ry

When Ry was a child, her dad had a plowing accident and lost a toe, but because the local clinic didn't treat it well, his foot became infected. Ultimately the regional hospital had to amputate his whole foot and he now has a plastic prosthetic from a NGO (non-profit group). Since then, he mostly stays home from farming their rice and cassava fields. But he loves running errands by motorcycle to the market in the nearest town, maybe a 20-minute trip, for the few staple ingredients that they don't grow themselves, like oil, sugar, and salt.

We went mostly to ask permission from the village chief to conduct a clinic at their house in July with a short-term medical team from the US. Their home is plain and the yard is all dirt, but things seemed well-cared-for. Ry's younger brother and older sister were there most of the time, as well as the sister's husband and son, but they said hi briefly and then went off to do other tasks. 

It was my first time meeting a village chief, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I asked if I needed to dress up, knowing that for meetings with Phnom Penh officials, there can be quite a formal dress code. But Jim and Carolyn told me to wear my regular rubber flip-flops instead of nicer shoes so I wouldn't make him look bad. They were right - he didn't make a special effort to look nice. I guess going to someone's house is different from meeting at a government building.

The first five minutes with the village chief were terrifying. He told us to keep the clinic very low-key by accepting ten patients once a week, so the school wouldn't have too many absent students. Clearly he'd heard a very partial account of our plan. We hesitantly explained that the visitors were coming to this village for just a day and that they hoped to welcome 100 patients. Thankfully, he was open to that and our other ideas, and sat with us for hours under the house, chatting about his trips to distant provinces and eating Ry's mom's delicious sticky rice with jackfruit and coconut... all three were home-grown. 

Rice (regular and sticky varieties) grown by Ry's family

Ry's mom sent the leftover sticky rice with Ry for Khoun and the other dorm students

The chief's house, right across the road, will be our second clinic site so we don't have to cram 100 patients under one house all day - especially if it's stormy or sunny. He and Ry's dad debated for a while about which road would be more reliable in rainy season. The conclusion? Both could be problematic for the pickup truck. Unless a bridge is built over a creek on one road, we'll probably need to rent a tractor to make it through the mud on the other road.

A bridge is apparently coming soon. In the meantime, the creek is passable during dry season, but might not be by July.

Ry and Sophoeurt cooked lunch for us with Ry's mom ("Auntie") while we met with her dad and the chief. Afterward, Carolyn and I begged for permission to help wash dishes so we could spend time with Auntie, who surprised us by being very sweet and happy to chat with us, though a bit shyer than Ry's dad. We watched her make another kind of sticky rice to send back for Khoun (her younger daughter) and the other dorm students, along with a jackfruit and another kind of fruit that Ry and Sophoeurt scavenged in the forest behind their house.

Sophoeurt shows off her forest findings - a bit like grapes

Ry's mom steaming the sticky rice over an open wood fire

Effortlessly flipping the sticky rice to steam the other side

Ry's mom said she feels stupid because she doesn't know how to read, even though illiteracy is common among women of her generation. I told her it's pretty amazing that she raised eight children to adulthood. It couldn't have been easy to care for them all. I also surprised her by telling her that in America we don't know how to make sticky rice or wrap things in banana leaves - in fact, I'd never seen a banana leaf before moving to Cambodia. Doesn't she make it look easy in the video below? (The banana leaves keep the hot sticky rice from melting the plastic bag, which Ry had brought from the market in town - the only plastic bag they could find in the house. I'm sure the leaves were from a nearby tree. Cambodians often wrap smaller snacks in just banana leaves, but such a big amount would be hard to secure.)

We joked that Auntie is the opposite of Ry, who was at the top of her class but isn't known for her cooking. She and Carolyn bonded over their adult children and the fact that neither of them knows how to drive a motorcycle... Carolyn drives a truck, but Ry's mom can't leave the village unless someone takes her. We asked her what she thinks about Ry being a Christian. "No problem," she answered. What would she like Ry to do in the future? "It's up to her." Most of Ry's siblings are farmers in the same village. Her older sister, who thinks she's 22 (Ry's age) or maybe 23, has a 7-year-old son. Her younger brother dropped out to help on the farm - subsistence farmers often can't afford to let their sons finish school. Ry's life is such a contrast!

While Carolyn and I were up in the kitchen with Ry's mom, Ry gave her dad a small device with a recording of the New Testament, which she'd received the previous week from a local NGO. When we came back downstairs, her dad was listening to it. Her parents are not yet believers, but she's courageously shared the Gospel with them, and they're interested in learning more. Ry says Khoun has also changed - she used to make fun of Ry for her faith, but since coming to Plas Prai, she's become more spiritually open. She prays to Jesus when she has a headache or at bedtime when she's afraid of spirits. She even cut off the amulets around her waist, which were meant to offer spiritual protection. I'm praying for their family and glad I'll have more contact with them. They seem warm and resilient, they were very patient with my Khmer, and they made me feel welcome. 

Khoun is learning guitar at the dorm

Humans of Preah Vihear 1

In this blog post, I want to introduce you to three Bible school students whom I got to visit last weekend: Map, Ngoeurt, and Chantha. My World Team colleague Joel and I drove out to their homes last week on the western edge of Preah Vihear province, Kulen district, to follow up with them and encourage them. We're their mentors throughout Bible school, trying to meet them once monthly in-person and once monthly on Facebook Messenger. (Joel is mentoring Map and Ngoeurt; I'm mentoring Chantha.) I also listened recently to Map and Ngoeurt's testimonies of coming to Christ, which they recorded during last month along with most of the Bible school students and instructors. 

Map 

"I want to tell you about my life before I believed in Jesus. I used to be very stubborn. I’d stay out drinking until late at night, and when I came home, I’d curse and start arguments with my wife, kids, and other family members. My wife took me to see a fortune teller who predicted that she and I would get a divorce. I still loved my wife, and hearing that I was destined for divorce made me afraid, especially because I have children.

"My mother-in-law believed in Jesus and I saw God do a miracle in her life. She used to be sick all the time. The witch doctor told her she was demon-possessed and needed to tear out a pillar in her house where the demon lived. She tore out the pillar, and he said, “Now put in a new pillar or else a disaster will happen to your family.” But by that point, she had believed in Jesus and been healed from her bondage to spirits and witchcraft. Her physical health was restored. Seeing these miracles, I realized that ever since she believed, my mother-in-law has really had freedom from demonic bondage.

"I let my wife believe in Jesus before I did, but I gave her a hard time about it. “Are you following that Jesus guy? You’re gonna believe in the foreigners’ god?” But my wife replied, “This god isn’t just for foreigners. My mom told me to believe in Jesus because he created the heavens and the earth. He has victory over evil spirits, and He doesn’t want us two and our family to split apart, but to love each other.” I believed her, so I joined her to worship with other believers. Once I became a Christian through her and had freedom, I buried my sin with God. I was free to serve God and I had hope of rising from the dead with Him. I really believed that He would break the chains that evil spirits had used to enslave me.

"I have freedom in God. Christ died for my sin and washed me as clean as He is so I can walk in the way of righteousness. My body is well and I have victory in Jesus. My relationships with my wife and family and neighbors aren’t like before, and I've seen other miracles. Now I’m leading a house church in Sbal village. Back while I was still a terrible person, God chose me." 

Map welcomed us at his in-laws' house, which is still missing a center pillar. Joel told him, "It's just as well, that pillar would have been in the way when you host the church here every week." You can see one of the other center pillars between two of the fence posts. 

Map joined us to visit Ngoeurt and Chantha. On the way back to his house, he played a recording of his wife singing a familiar Christian hymn about Jesus at Calvary, but with a new melody that she made up. "I love listening to her sing to our family in the evenings," he said. 

As we listened, I took this video of the country roads we were driving down. Enjoy this peek of authentic rural sights and sounds!

Ngoeurt

"Hi, I’m Snguon Ngoeurt. I’m 32 years old and I have a wife and two daughters. When I first believed in Jesus, a lot of people criticized me because I was the very first believer in our community. They looked down on me and persecuted me a lot, and sometimes I felt weak and tired and discouraged. But thank God that he still loved me and encouraged me. 

"One month later, I went on a trip to study the Bible and share the Gospel with others. My relatives were criticizing me to my wife: “How will you provide for your kids if your husband is busy with this stuff?” they asked. They really made her feel bad, and said that we'd lost our traditional religion. God reminded me, “We’re believing in Jesus for salvation, not for other gain. We just want the life that God promised us.” I told my wife that no matter how much wealth we have on earth, it’s worthless if we don’t believe in God. She started to talk more with me about Christ and she didn’t turn away to the right or left.

"Soon after that, my mother-in-law was still harassing me and saying, “You give stuff away, but I don’t see people giving things back to you.” I used to have everything I needed – rice, soup, food – and I gave it away to help people in need around me, even though they never gave anything back to me. So I said, “God told us to do good deeds and forgive our enemies.” Many people in our village, like the district chief, were talking about me being a Christian. Thank God that I really trusted Him and persevered. God helped me to be strong.

"Another time, I got a serious cut on my foot and two toes were severed. The doctor wanted to amputate, but I said, “Please don’t amputate them. Sew them back on. I’m trusting God to keep them on.” The doctor was skeptical, but he sewed them back on and my foot was fine. The toes stayed attached. When I cut my foot, people criticized me more than ever and I felt down. I thought, “Why does life have to go up and down like this?” But God touched my heart through his word. I kept sharing the Gospel and many people in my family believed.

"Then my wife had another problem. She and I were in the rice field, far away from our village, and neither of us knew anything was wrong. We ate dinner and went to sleep out in the field. Then her body suddenly stiffened and her jaw locked tightly closed. I shook her and she didn’t wake up. I tried to open her mouth but I couldn’t. I panicked and started crying. Then I remembered the God of salvation. I prayed and prayed, three times. She woke up and opened her mouth, asking, “What happened to me?” I was so relieved. Thank God. If not for Him, she might not be here now.

"From then on, I was stronger and persevered in my faith. People stopped harassing me and looking down on me. I was so convinced that “Jesus is God and He saved me from my sin and all these problems in my life.” I kept sharing the Gospel and saw many more relatives and neighbors believe. There were 100 people at one point but now there are fewer… some of them just wanted healing and didn’t really care about Jesus. Thank God that my wife and I really trust him now and our community no longer mocks our faith." 

Ngoeurt (left) and his daughters (as well as his wife and parents) welcomed Joel (center) and Map (right) last Sunday. Ngoeurt's wife, not pictured, is also a strong believer who would like to attend our Bible school in the next round.

Chantha

Chantha and I only overlapped for one day of Bible school, so I didn't get to know her as well as the others who spent four days studying the Gospels with me. (That's also why she wasn't there to make a testimony video.) But I heard great things about her, and I can see why. When she sat down to look through her homework assignments with her previous mentor Saroth and me, she shone. (Saroth is busy raising three young kids and helping with the Plas Prai dorm, and she can't make it out to Chantha's village, so I'm taking over Chantha's mentoring for the second half of Chantha's two-year commitment.) Chantha was supposed to memorize eight of ten Bible verses, but she'd memorized all ten so fluently Saroth and I could barely keep up reading them. She was supposed to keep a prayer list and pray through it daily, missing no more than 20%. 

"Wow, it looks like you didn't miss any days at all!" Saroth praised her. 

"Yeah, but I wish I'd prayed longer. It was only about fifteen minutes some days." 

"Hold on. You prayed at least fifteen minutes every day the past three months? That's really great!" 

Chantha just blushed.

Chantha works a few days a month for World Vision's relief efforts. I think she also helps on her family's farm, but I didn't quite understand her answer... I'm still adjusting to conversations with people here. At thirty-one, she might be the oldest single I've met here, so it's neat that we have that in common. I didn't get to see her home when Joel and I visited, but she told me she lives with a teenage sibling, while many other siblings and her mom live in the same village. She and Ngoeurt are neighbors, so she just came over to his house to meet with me while Joel talked with Ngoeurt. Ngoeurt's mom and Chantha's sister-in-law, fellow believers, joined our conversation. Besides this sister-in-law, Chantha has two siblings who are spiritually open but no other Christian family members.

Chantha told me she's still going out sometimes to another village where she shares the Gospel, but it's been challenging with her ministry partner away all last month. After worshiping at Ngoeurt's house Sunday mornings, she drives about an hour each way on her moto to encourage several elderly believers who are shut-in and ill. 

"Is that safe?" I asked her. Joel and I had just been discussing how I shouldn't go too far out of town alone in case my moto broke down. These roads are pretty empty and you're at the mercy of whoever comes by first. 

"Yeah, I'm not worried about it." The girl's got gumption!

L to R: Chantha, Ngoeurt's mom, Chantha's older sister-in-law

School of Applied Ministry

Made it in the nick of time! I moved to Preah Vihear (the capital of a rural province in northern Cambodia) on Saturday, January 15, and Bible school started two days later. If I'd had to quarantine on arrival, I would have missed most or all of it. These meetings Monday-Friday made up module #4 of 8 in a two-year period. I'd never been around for it before, so I was looking forward to joining this cohort's fifteen students. 

Each cohort member is from somewhere in Preah Vihear province and is actively involved in ministry. That could mean evangelism, discipleship, and/or leading a house church. They don't get a salary for that work, so most are also farmers. The school's one-week modules are timed to coincide with the agricultural seasons. Some students live nearby, but most travel in for the week and stay in the wooden house upstairs above our open-air training area (the same house I stayed in for ten weeks in 2018).

My goal? Not to help - just to participate alongside the students. Eventually I'll use my teaching experience to support the instructors, who are mostly Cambodian, but for now I wanted to stay in the learner's seat. It was a great way to re-immerse my brain in the Khmer language, get to know cohort members, and deepen my understanding of the Bible. It also familiarized me with the school's style.

So what is the Preah Vihear School of Applied Ministry (PVSAM) about? In short, the Bible. But the goal isn't just for participants to understand the Bible better, but to use it in their communities. As you might guess from the name "School of Applied Ministry," the PVSAM aims to be transferable and reproducible, offering tools that students can use in their everyday lives as Christian lay leaders. Its motto is "Equipping, Practicing, Sending." We want to help them make disciples, who will in turn make disciples, who will... well, you get the idea.

Its core is a broad overview, illustrated in the timeline below, showing that "the Bible is one unified story that points to Jesus." (The timeline is by my teammates and their daughter, not by the Bible Project, but we did watch several Bible Project videos in Khmer throughout the week.) This module, #4 of 8, focused on the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), so it was all about Jesus.

Each picture on the timeline has a title and several sub-points that students learn to say while doing an action. Part of each module's exam is to say and act out each picture they've learned so far. My good friend Sina made a brief video (below) demonstrating what students would need to know for the Module 4 exam. You'll see general points in the first minute, and then the two new pictures and their sub-points that were covered this module, representing "Jesus" and "Savior." 

In between the eight modules, students' homework includes reading or listening to each book of the Bible twice, memorizing key verses, and praying daily. They also need weekly involvement in ministry and in spiritual conversations with unbelievers. Finally, each student sets a personal application goal following each module to complete in the three months before the next module. Each student is assigned a mentor who checks in with them at least every two weeks, including some in-person home visits out in the villages. Mentors pray with participants and help them apply what they've been learning in the modules and homework to their daily lives. I'm planning to help mentor one young woman whose passion for prayer and evangelism was infectious - I know I'll benefit from our time together, whether or not she does!

In class, everyone read overviews of each book of the Bible from What the Bible Is About for Young Explorers (see sample pages below in English and Khmer) and studied the books through lectures and interactive activities. There were many opportunities to read and take notes, but the PVSAM is designed to be accessible to those with limited literacy. One current participant is functionally illiterate, while a few others are weak in reading and writing. So students received photos and images corresponding to various teaching points (ex. a mountain for the Sermon on the Mount, or a painting of the wedding at Cana). Students could paste them into their notebooks and were encouraged to draw their notes, not just write them. All written materials were read aloud so students could rely mainly on listening if needed. And the activities were all doable without writing.

 

For example, after learning that Matthew portrays Jesus as the long-awaited King in David's line, we made paper crowns for ourselves as children of the King. Small groups took turns acting out key events in Jesus' life and ministry, as well as retelling and explaining parables. We cut out paper in the shape of praying hands, and on the papers we wrote or drew things related to the Lord's Prayer. We made up hand gestures for the seven word pictures in Jesus' "I Am" statements (the Good Shepherd, the Way, the Vine, etc.). We recited aloud the four core points of orthodox Christian doctrine (Christ came to earth, died, rose again, and ascended to heaven) and discussed how cults distort these doctrines. We also prayed, sang worship songs, danced to a kids' song, played games, watched the Jesus movie, did an aerobics workout, and ate together. 

The program was over 12 hours a day. I was exhausted even though I missed Friday's sessions to travel to another event. But the team packed a lot in! The video below can give you a glimpse of our week together. I'm thankful for my conversations and participation with everyone. I felt warmly welcomed and included as a newcomer, and I was encouraged by others' insights and stories. Despite the fatigue, I'm looking forward to future modules. God is at work among these courageous young leaders, and I don't want to miss a minute!

The bravest people I know

Did you ever meet someone who gives you a window into another world? Someone whose life story is so radically different from yours that just listening to them feels like hallowed ground? Someone who makes you question, "Am I strong enough, brave enough, to live like them?"

I had that feeling one night this year when I met "A" through a mutual friend. A and his wife and kids (now teens and tweens) fled their homeland a few years ago due to religious persecution. They are now in limbo, caught between violent threats in the country they left, dead ends in their current host country, and financial barriers to the country they want to enter. They've inspired me to start a GoFundMe page for the first time in my life - not as courageous as their actions, but still an intimidating step into the unknown.

This is not ancient history or an impersonal news article. It's the real-life experiences of a husband and wife and their four kids, regular people who knew the massive risks of serving Christ in their context... and said yes anyway. They're night owls who enjoy biking and SpongeBob. They're cutthroat card players whose laughter echoes off the walls. One daughter covered my hands with henna designs. Another helps her mom cook seriously good food. This is the unfinished story of my friends, and I want you to hear it in A's own words (edited for clarity and security).

***

My name is A.M. My family and I are from South Asia. Due to religious persecution, we have fled from our homeland and hope to resettle in North America. To apply for visas, we need funds for our first year of living expenses there.

 

Unfortunately, our home country's law is dictated by a religion that seeks to harm and eliminate citizens of other faiths. As Christians, we lived without protection.

 

I used to go to different villages for prayer meetings. God enabled me to donate to poor families who were in need. I became aware of people trapped in debt-slavery, laboring day and night in brick kilns. I began to spend money to free these families and also shared my faith with them. Some had been forced by the kiln owners to convert to the majority faith, but they wanted to return to Christianity. Soon, their numbers increased. People showed interest in following Jesus after being freed.

 

This interest did not go unnoticed by the religious leaders and brick kiln owners. They grew angry over the freedom and faith of these poor people. My family and I began to receive threats from extremists with power and money. They would follow my daughters and try to kidnap them, in hopes of forcing them to convert and marry older men of the majority religion.

 

A few years ago, they attacked me and tried to kill me, but God graciously protected me with His mighty hand. People came to my assistance. However, government officials would not protect me, fearing for their own lives and families. Despite the many threats, my appeals for protection were ignored. The men who were against me found out about my appeals, and the persecution increased.

For security reasons, my family shifted to another city, but we were tracked down. The locals pleaded with us to go, so we moved again. The same thing continued to happen: we were tracked and had to flee. Religious leaders sided against us, and the police and courts threw out my case.

 

My church and my friends helped us to escape from South Asia and find refuge in an intermediary nation. It's been difficult to be stripped of culture, language, work, extended family, etc. Although we are safer here, we do not speak the language, and we cannot become citizens. We have struggled to find employment in this poor country with a faltering economy. Our children have not been able to attend school in several years. 

Our fervent hope and prayer is to be granted asylum and a new home in North America. A trustworthy refugee resettlement agency has offered to obtain permanent residency for us, with the right to work and a clear path to citizenship. But first, we must secure funding for our first year of living expenses. Our family of six needs $45,000 for housing, food, transportation, and other basics during that year of transition. We are grateful for your support as we pursue a brighter future for our children.

***

Several friends and I are teaming up to run a GoFundMe page for A's family. We hope this fund-raiser can provide them with much or all of their first-year expenses in North America. If they cannot attain that dream, donations may be redirected toward helping them rebuild their lives in their current host country. Got questions? (I sure did!) Send me a private message and I'd be happy to share more. We'd really appreciate your prayers and gifts for their family! 

The Carnival: Songs from the Tilt-a-Whirl

In February 2020, I read and loved N.D. Wilson's Notes from the Tilt-a-Whirl:Wide-Eyed Wonder in God's Spoken World. This genre-defying book combines humor, storytelling, philosophy, commentary on visual art, and more, to wrestle with questions like "Why would a good God allow suffering?" and "How do we know what's really true?" It's quirky yet profound, captivating my heart and mind with observations on the minutiae of his surroundings:

• The ants pouring out when he lifts a rock to mow the lawn. 
• The man who elbows him in the head playing basketball. 
• The functions of intestines. 
• The quest of his toddler to touch a butterfly. 

Many times during Covid, I thought back to some of the book's vivid imagery and creative perspectives. It strengthened me to laugh, to trust, to bring fresh eyes to my stale surroundings. I wanted more people to experience the joy I had in reading it, but name-dropping it didn't have much effect. 

Earlier this year, I sent some favorite passages from it to a friend, Jeff, whose apartment building was quarantined for several weeks. I thought it might be a fun diversion, but he replied with something like, "I'm so confused. What is this about? Is it random word generated prose?" Hang in there, I urged. The writing isn't always linear, but it slowly builds a line of thinking that's worth the fight. "I think I need to hear this as a song," Jeff concluded. On their own, these brilliant paragraphs weren't quite communicating like I'd hoped.

That sparked an idea. I'd recently begun experimenting with songwriting and thought this book could be a great fit. I tried to turn one part into a song, but it kept expanding as I spotted more connections between ideas and images. Finally, I split it into multiple songs to let the story unfold at a leisurely pace.

Some of my favorite albums are those that tell a story. Has a lyric, concept, or musical element from one song ever surprised and delighted you by re-emerging in a later song? I love that. Maybe I could tell this story via songs, and maybe listeners wouldn't feel as stressed about the connection from one song to the next as they would if reading a book. That's what drove this "Songs from the Tilt-a-Whirl" project. So far I've written seven songs, inspired by the first 20% of the book. How many more to come? No idea. Whether or not they all find an external audience like you, I've really enjoyed this way to engage more deeply with Wilson's work. But you'll have a chance to hear at least the next few in the weeks to come.

Here is song #1, based on the book's opening pages.

The Carnival

I am a traveler Not on the road like *Kerouac I am a traveler More like the flea on a dog’s back I am a traveler Couldn’t stop this journey if I tried I’m with the Carnival It’s where I’ve played and I’ve grown up I’m with the Carnival Where I’ve slept and I’ve thrown up I’m with the Carnival Death will get me into the gnarly rides We all spin around As we orbit 67,000 miles an hour We all spin around In this hurricane of stars We all spin around I cling to the lawn fearing I might fly What is this tilt-a-whirl? Full of bugs and full of spheres What is this tilt-a-whirl? A pockmarked ball pulls the oceans near What is this tilt-a-whirl? Wilder than pulp fiction could describe *Jack Kerouac is an American author whose 1957 novel On the Road is based on his travels with friends across the United States.

Whenever possible, I spliced together Wilson's original language, and I haven't added any of my own meaning. The opening line, "I am a traveler," is not inspired by my time overseas. It's the book's opening sentence, discussing a kind of travel experienced by all humans. This song also explains the book's title. If you find it confusing, don't be shy to write me. :) 

Like my other songs, it's condensed and missing a ton of the book's great phrasing and content. But I hope it hints at the flavor of this chapter, maybe even enough that you'll want to read the original. (Because we all know the book is better.)

So far, my songs have not persuaded Jeff to read the book... but he did say they helped him value its content. He graciously collaborated on this one, providing vocals (I'm on backup), guitar, and the video. Thanks Jeff! 

Homebody - an original song

I've gotten into songwriting the past year. I guess it's my new Covid hobby. Most of the songs I've written so far are part of a series that I'll introduce soon. But this one, "Homebody," stands alone, and even though it's my most recent, I'd like to share it first. 

In the group where I originally shared it, we had a "no disclaimers" rule. Each participant had to play their song and share the lyrics before explaining anything. So I'll abide by that policy here and give the background below.

The Lyrics:

1. What’s it like to leave Peoria

After a whole century?

Looking out your bedroom window,

Do you ever have to blink?

Daddy’s fields are far from sight.

You’ve always been a homebody.

Why see Chicago?

All you’d ever wanted was right there.

You delighted in the flowers and birds 

And people you’d known all your life

Like your love could never fade away. 

2. I tasted travel as a toddler.

Now it’s in my blood, I think.

Looking out my bedroom window, 

Still some days I have to blink.

Phnom Penh streets are bold and bright.

I’ve never been a homebody.

Why shut out the wide world?

My heart has scattered pieces here and there.

Fighting to delight in the flowers and birds 

And people revolving through my life,

I pray my love will never fade away. 

3. A third your age and triple the hometowns,

Both of us are moving on.

You finally outgrew your old house,

Hungry for a deeper bond.

Home beckoned you across the night.

Now you’ll always be a homebody.

Why miss Peoria?

All you’ve ever wanted is right here.

You’re delighting in the flowers and birds

And people like you’ve known them all your life

Filled with love that only grows more dear. 

4. What’s it like to trade your body

After a whole century?

Looking in your bedroom mirror,

Can you even help but blink?

Abba’s beauty floods your sight.

Nobody does homebody like you

But someday I’ll be a homebody too.

The Story:

In August, just before returning to the US, I joined an online workshop on songwriting. It included two Zoom sessions with a facilitator and a small group of peers who performed original songs for the others to critique and encourage. I was way out of my league, but I loved hearing what they'd written, and their insights for me were valuable!

For the second session, we were asked to write an original song with one week's notice, incorporating these four elements:

• Starts with a question
• Addresses someone we haven't talked with in a long time
• Mentions a room in our house
• Uses only three chords (in any combination or order) in the chorus

I was intimidated by the thought of combining all these aspects, but if you search for "creativity constraints quote," you'll find many different people who have observed that the latter fuels the former. My song flowed quickly once I started.

 

I decided to write a song for my step-grandma, Irene Hoeltje, who married my grandpa (both were widowed) before I was born. She loved my family and me like there was no "step" about it. She passed away in July, a month shy of her 100th birthday, which was literally during the workshop in August. A lifelong Peoria resident whose retirement community was built on land from her parents' farm, Grandma Irene was never a big traveler, but in recent years she couldn't wait to go meet her beloved Jesus. 

My song is inspired partly by my 2016 blog post about visiting Grandma. It's also reflecting on the parallel between her passing and my decision the same month to leave Phnom Penh and start over in a small Cambodian town next year. I'm excited to move to this community that's drawn me since my first visit years ago, but part of me wishes I could put down deeper roots with one place and group of people, like Grandma did. This song explores how our sharply contrasting lives are shaped by the same love and hope. Heaven holds what neither of us have been used to, but what both of us have always wanted most.

With Grandma and her daughter, my Aunt Linda

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you might remember that last year's Hutchmoot conference initially sparked my interest in songwriting. Specifically, I was moved by Hutchmoot's discussion of the Tolkien short story "Leaf by Niggle." (Hutchmoot is coming up again October 8-10 and I can't wait! It's about art, music, story, and faith. Join with me and we'll have fantastic conversation starters. Tickets are $20 for dozens of hours of online content, which you can livestream or watch later.)

As I explored lyrics and music last fall for the first song I ever wrote, unsure which should come first, I came up with the guitar riff used in "Homebody." It never fit right with that song, but there's a clip of just the guitar in my blog post about "Niggle." 

In August, after I wrote the lyrics and started the melody for "Homebody," I realized that this guitar riff worked perfectly for both the verses and the chorus. Plus its arpeggios use only three chords, complying with the songwriting prompt. I wasn't sure I could play something so complex while singing, but it came together with a bit of practice. I was amazed! It's like this was meant to be. 

Ten things I wonder about my life next year

It's official! I'm leaving for the US in two weeks and will return to Cambodia around New Year's... but not to my status quo. Instead, I'm planning to move to the capital of Preah Vihear province, a small town about five hours away. I loved immersing myself in Khmer language and culture there and have often visited since then. But of course moving there long-term will be an adjustment.

I've been wondering for a while about the timing of my US trip and the team that I should join next, now that I'm no longer on the education team. So it's great to have both of those questions settled. At the same time, as I announce this news, I'm fielding questions that I've been contemplating myself. I'm posting some of my questions here with my best stab at their answers.

1. What exactly will I be doing? 

World Team's Preah Vihear (PV) team has many great things that I could get involved in: a high school dorm for students from low-income rural families, a Bible school for house church leaders in the villages, Bible studies and church plants in the villages, translation and creation of Christian resources, and trainings for Sunday Schools teachers. There are other possibilities like guest-teaching for education majors at a local college and teaching English to kids in town. I won't be able to invest significant time into every one of those. It sounds like early on, a priority will be visiting Bible school students and dorm alumni in their homes out in the villages, to encourage them and help them start more Bible studies. As I observe and dabble in other programs, hopefully I'll find my niche over time. For now, I'm also continuing my role as a language coach for other World Teamers in Cambodia, mostly remotely. 

A small group of dorm students discussing during a nutrition seminar I led in 2018

2. Where am I going to live?

I'm going to start out living with fellow World Teamers Jim and Carolyn Gabriels in their traditional Khmer wooden home while I adjust to life in PV. I'm so grateful they were willing - I feel very comfortable with them, and it makes my transition more gradual. The plan is that for at least the first six months, I'll share the rent for my Phnom Penh apartment, where my dear friend Rachana will be staying. That means I can leave most of my furniture here for now and will still have a bed available when I visit PP. I'll see what's available for rent in PV and eventually transition to my own place there... after that, I can stay in a guest room at the World Team office when in PP. 

Petting a neighbor's calf in front of the Gabriels' home during my 2016 visit

3. How much time will I spend in Phnom Penh?

The Gabriels and their teammates Joel and Sina recommended that I plan to visit the city about once a month. That will let me decompress, maintain friendships here, stock up on groceries (anything most Cambodians don't eat is probably not for sale in PV), manage errands and appointments, and meet my language coachees. I'm not sure how long each visit will be - probably between two and five nights. It depends partly on how much I need to do in each place and how much can be done remotely. I'm hoping to find a balance that will allow me to thrive, and I'm not sure yet what that will look like.

4. What will I drive?

I was initially assuming I'd need to buy a larger, more powerful motor scooter. My 50-CC Honda Today runs pretty well, but it bottoms out even on some speed bumps and can't handle rutted or flooded dirt roads. But Jim recommended that I keep it for now and plan to borrow his motor scooter and/or car for my trips to farther-out villages. My Honda Today is fine for getting around this town of 24,000; we'll see if I can make it work for a while or will want more freedom to go to the villages. Either way, I'll need a license for the first time after a decade here. (I don't even have a driver's license for motorcycles, let alone cars - I think licenses are only required for motos above 125 CC.)

Can you believe Silat and I beat the storm home that day?

5. Who will I spend time with?

I know some of the people that I hope to hang out with. Besides the four other World Teamers, who are some of my favorite people ever, I'd count one Cambodia YWAM staff (Silat) as a dear friend and am friendly with the other three as well as the three staff kids. (Can't wait to be the kids' "ming" again!) I was also excited to see my teammates' plans for following up with dorm alumni and Bible students; I enjoy several of them who lived in the dorm during my summer there. Turnover is inevitable - some friends are planning time away to study or get more experience, and several dorm alumni would like to return as dorm staff now that they've graduated from YWAM's Discipleship Training School. In short, I'm excited to renew existing relationships but I'll need to stay flexible and begin many new friendships. It will be a big change for me to have very few other foreigners around, and I'm expecting to feel lonely and out of place at times. But the Cambodians I know there are very gracious and I've been so glad to see the deep mutual trust they've built with my fellow American teammates.

6. What is God going to do?

I really don't know this one. If the past year didn't teach us that life is hard to predict, I don't know what would! What I do know is that when World Teamers first went there, Preah Vihear had about a dozen believers in the whole province. Now it has dozens of house churches! I believe God wants His children in Preah Vihear to mature, let truth permeate every area of their lives, and multiply as they share the good news of Jesus with their families and neighbors. I hope to come along for the ride. 

7. What new things will I need to learn?

A lot, I'm sure. How to change a tire. How to ride a manual moto. How to find my way around rural roads and villages that all look similar to me right now. What to do when my home is visited by a biting gecko or a vicious centipede or even (shudder) a snake. How to grocery shop for a month at a time. I'm going to be spending a lot of time in farming communities, and I can barely pick a mango or remember the word for "plough." My Khmer speaking will definitely need to improve as I'll have a lot more conversation time, and I hope to get better at understanding the PV dialect. I have a feeling next year will also stretch me spiritually and teach me new things about myself. I'm expecting a lot of growth opportunities!

Sometimes visitors do you a favor and eat each other. Photo credit: Holly Ferguson.

8. What will I do for fun?

One thing I'm excited about is the scenery - PV has more "mountains" (OK, foothills at least) than most of Cambodia. There are day trips in the area to waterfalls, a sort of lake, etc. During my summer there, I often had fun cooking Western food like tacos with help from my Khmer friends, who have mad kitchen skills (homemade tortillas? better than mine!) and flexible taste buds. We also played a lot of Nerts, a card game, so I'd like to stock up on card/board games that don't require a lot of English. Dorm activities included regular aerobics classes and dance parties. Cambodians in general are good at sitting around chatting without needing a lot of structured activities. I've always been an avid reader and have recently gotten into songwriting, two hobbies that are portable and can be done in solitude. (Though I'd love to try partnering with Cambodians to write a song in Khmer!) I'll be 2 1/2 hours from Siem Reap, a popular destination for my Phnom Penh friends as well as international visitors, so I'm expecting to spend some weekends there. There are many options, and who knows what else I'll discover?

9. Will I feel ready to move?

My US visits have ranged from three weeks to two years, and I've never felt fully "ready" to say goodbye to my family. So even though this trip (4.5 months) is longer than the last few, I'm sure my return will be bittersweet. Plus I'm nervous about all these unknowns. But I'm already excited and hoping to feel recharged and ready to jump in come January. I've felt drawn to PV since my first visit in 2016 and have wondered what it would be like to make it my home. Here's my chance.

10. Will I be OK?

There are so many ways to define "OK"-ness and so few guarantees about what next year holds. I don't think next year will always be comfortable or straightforward, though I do think I'll have a good group of people rooting for and helping me. 

This quote keeps coming to mind:

Next year I will need God in new ways, and in many of the same ways that I have always needed Him. And next year, He will be available for me, abundantly providing His presence and goodness. He goes ahead of me and He meets me wherever I am. That's really the only answer I need, for next year and for all the days leading up to it.