Hidden in my heart

For over two and a half years, these words have been the soundtrack to my life. I've recited them on motor scooters and bicycles, in planes and in cars. They've saturated my mind as I've proctored exams and stood in line and pushed my nephews in their strollers. They've been my faithful companions as I've moved from Phnom Penh to Doylestown, as I've traveled to Kuala Lumpur and Orlando and Siem Reap and Ottawa. Isaiah 53-66 have seen me through a lot.

My history with Bible memory goes way back. In elementary school, my pastor urged the other kids and me to memorize Psalms 23 and 91, as well as various weekly memory verses. Those words still echo in my mind today:

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith...

In middle and high school, I did lots of Bible reading and study, but little memorization. I got too annoyed trying to memorize all the references (book, chapter, verse) for separate one-off verses learned out of context. However, as a college freshman, having loved a Navigators study on Ephesians, I decided with a close friend to memorize all six chapters over the summer. I'd never done more than a chapter at a time. By the start of sophomore year in fall 2005, I had crammed the whole book into my brain, though it soon began to slip out again. In the process, Ephesians became dearer than ever to my heart.

Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit...

For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility...

Sadly, despite that positive experience and the benefits I've reaped to this day, I made almost no effort to memorize Scripture for the next 7+ years. Then I read an Ann Voskamp blog post challenging readers to tackle Jesus' Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) over the course of a year. She included a free PDF of weekly cards with 1-2 new verses plus a review of the previous verses in the chapter. That way, it wasn't too much of a cognitive burden each week, and it consistently reinforced the previous verses. I found it a far more doable approach than I'd used with Ephesians. If I started learning the week's verses on Sunday, I could spend a minute or two reviewing on Monday and Tuesday and then remember it the rest of the week. That way, I could mostly practice it on my 15-minute commute to work instead of lengthening my morning routine.

At its worst, my commute looked a little like this...

Thankfully, other parts looked like this.

Everyone loves to hate Phnom Penh traffic. Between the potholes, the hot exhaust fumes spewing from trucks toward your face, the Important Rich People cutting you off, and the unpredictable veering of motos and bicycles, 15 minutes can be more than enough to make you lose your cool. So it was quite helpful for me to have something to focus on, a mental "screen-saver" to return to between close calls. It also helped me avoid worrying about everything I needed to accomplish at school that day. Before 7:30 every morning, I had truth running through my brain, centering my heart.

Blessed are the poor, 
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, 
   and all these things will be given to you as well.

Now, let's be honest. It's not like I always went into it with the best attitude. Sometimes it was a chore to check off, sometimes it became a reason for pride, and sometimes I ran through the entire thing automatically without even thinking about it. Still, the verses often resounded in my mind throughout the day, shaping my thoughts. They'd challenge me to yearn for a pure heart, to reject anxiety, to pray as Jesus prayed. In spite of my sub-par motives, I could tell I was growing through the memorization process.

At the end of the year, I knew I wanted to keep this habit going. But Ann's next challenge was the book of Romans in a year, quite a daunting task. Anyway, having memorized an epistle and a chunk of a gospel, I was ready for some Old Testament.

In January 2014, I began learning the passage about the Suffering Servant, starting in Isaiah 52:13 and continuing through Isaiah 53. It's always been a favorite, along with subsequent passages in Isaiah 55 and 58. I didn't know how far I'd take it, or whether I'd skip some unsavory chunks, but I knew I wanted to meditate on this vivid poetry with its piercing insights into humankind, its shocking promises about the coming Savior, and its heated arguments between God and his children.

Last month, I finished reviewing all the way from there through Isaiah 66 - the end of the book. (The last verse is a downer - about worms and fire devouring those who rebel against God. Not how I'd choose to end such a moving book.) It's not word-perfect, but it's close enough.

I never expected to make it this far, or to keep up with reviews well enough to recite it all at once. But I did, and I've grown to appreciate even the parts that didn't initially appeal to me. They've confronted me. They've comforted me. They've compelled me. Sitting with these chapters, day in and day out, has revealed some of the meaning and beauty that I missed the first few dozen times through. As my dear friend Emily Cieslinski says, "When I want to understand a Bible passage, I start by memorizing it."

Most of all, I think they've reminded me that God cares. He cares about our pain. He cares about our choices to be faithful or unfaithful to Him. He cares about His reputation among those who have never heard His name. He cares about justice. He cares enough to do something extraordinary. God is not a vending machine or an abstract force; He is a personal, relational Being whose passion is but dimly reflected in our paltry feelings.

...the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
      and by his wounds we are healed.

Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child...

Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen: 
   to loose the chains of injustice 
   and untie the cords of the yoke... ?

From the west they will fear the name of the Lord, 
   and from the rising of the sun they will revere his glory.

What's up next? I'm not yet sure. So far, I've just gone back to revisit Ephesians and Matthew 5-7. But with a new school year starting, it seems as good a time as any to start a new passage. In some ways, I'm not sure it matters which one I pick next, whether I learn it perfectly, or how long I remember it. Paraphrasing Beth Moore (I think), I've never heard of anyone saying, "I wish I hadn't memorized that passage." Even when words fade and translations get mixed up... even when deadlines are missed and memory plans are derailed... even when our minds feel like sieves... the Bible still does its work of washing and cleansing us, as it says in Ephesians 5. After all, it's God's Word, and when it enters someone's heart, it always accomplishes its purposes.

Scripture memory isn't a common topic of conversation. I'd love to hear your stories. What passages or sets of verses have you loved learning? What obstacles have you faced, and what strategies have you found helpful? I'm open to recommendations on what I should tackle next!