Monday, September 30, 2019

On maybe losing a home, and finding one

She just wanted to keep her home. As a result, she might lose everything.

In the two years that I've known "Raksmey," I’ve heard a lot about her legal dispute with her brother, a dispute she inherited from her dad when he passed away four years ago. Through multiple court levels and appeals, they’ve tried to establish whether her late father’s estate belongs to her brother exclusively or whether 40% is Raksmey’s, as their dad’s will stated. In the process, they’ve both gone deeply into debt. Now it’s headed to the supreme court for a final decision.

Her brother already has a house, next to the home where Raksmey spent many years with her dad. For most of that time, she and her brother were close and loving. But when the contentions turned nasty, her brother poured concrete in her pipes, padlocked her door, and cut her power lines, forcing her out into a small rented room.



Since then, Raksmey has fought desperately to get her home back, knowing that while the law is on her side, connections and cash determine the winner. Lately, I think she’s continued largely in hopes of selling the house to repay her court debts. (Another Khmer friend has recent experience with loan sharks. Not fun.)

Though a naturally cheerful person, Raksmey has often poured out her latest woes. Her brother’s cruel jibes. Her lawyer’s flaky cancellations. Her apprehensions of losing everything. Sometimes I'm impatient to move onto the main agenda for our meetings, but it’s good Khmer listening practice for me. And despite my task-oriented personality, I want to be there for her. I just don't have much encouragement to offer her apart from Jesus. So when she winds down, sometimes I just nod sympathetically. But often I say, “Wow, that’s really tough. Can I pray for you right now?” or “Your story reminds me of a Bible verse. Let’s read it together.”

She always lets me, and says that she prays on her own too. But she’s never had an answer when I ask, "What is God reminding you of through this difficulty?" Nor have my verses or prayers seemed to help. Despite over a decade of identifying as Christian, she had a falling-out with her church a few years back and has lost touch with other Khmer believers. I encouraged her to read the Bible, on her phone if needed, but she always said her Bible was locked into her dad’s house with all her other possessions, and that was the only Bible she wanted to read. 

On the rare occasions that she brought up God, she’d express things like “God helped me forgive my brother” or “God wants me to avoid temptation”: duty, not comfort in knowing Christ. Trying to be strong alone, she was slipping into bitterness and cynicism. She didn’t just need financial security – she needed inner peace and restored relationships. Though amazed at her tenacity, I couldn’t imagine how she was enduring all this stress while disconnected from God’s love for her. I wanted her to know the power of God’s promises and God’s family to support her. I knew I wasn't the only foreigner listening to and praying for her, but it felt fruitless and gloomy.

Two weeks ago, Raksmey took nearly an hour to fill me in. She told me how deeply her brother has wounded her heart over the years and how much I've meant to her as a supportive listener. She’s painfully aware that the upcoming decision could ruin her life on multiple levels. Before, there was always a ray of hope: another appeal, another lawyer, another high-up acquaintance who could maybe be persuaded to advocate for her. Soon, there will be nothing more to do. Vulnerability oozed from her words. What could I say to her that I hadn’t already said? 

I read Philippians 4:19 to her: “My God will provide all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” And I prayed, “Lord, You were there with Joseph when his brothers enslaved him, when he lost everything, when he went to prison. You never abandoned him, but You used his suffering to save many lives during the famine. Please be with Raksmey and use her suffering too. Provide all her needs according to Your wisdom. What her brother intends for evil, please use for good, just like you did with Joseph. You're more powerful than her brother, or the judge, or anyone on earth.” (Well, that's what I tried to say, only in Khmer so I sounded like a 5-year-old.)

The verse left her unmoved, and there was nothing new in my prayer. I was ready to call it a day, since our time was up. But after the amen, she looked at me. “Thank you so much, Chelsea. You really encouraged me just now. Joseph’s brothers tried to kill him – they were even worse than my brother – but God stuck with him. God’s the good dad who kept loving His runaway child and welcomed that child back home. I need God in my life. Your prayer reminded me of this worship song I used to love…” 




Wait, what? Am I hearing her right? I showed her Genesis 50:20, where Joseph says God used his brothers' evil intentions for good, and messaged both verses to her phone so she could re-read them later. When she mentioned wanting to start reading the Bible again, I asked her, “If I buy you a Bible, will you read it?” 

“Yes!”

I left that meeting very encouraged, but still a bit skeptical if it indicated real change. Would she stay spiritually open, or was she just extra emotional that day? Was she just trying to get God on her side to win the court case, or would she trust Him regardless? Would she really read a Bible if I bought one for her? 

I apologized when I met her last week. “I didn’t make it to the Christian bookstore this week, but I'll get you a Bible soon if you’d like.” 


“Sure, but no hurry. I started reading the Bible on my phone. Your prayer the other day has encouraged me so much. I know I need God's Word.” 

Whoa. She's already reading on her own, after all that insisting she didn't like online Bibles? I'd been thinking if I bought her one, maybe she'd read it just feeling she owed it to me. I'd never expected this!

Today, Raksmey was delighted to see her new Bible. She gave me permission to share her story, and reiterated with a broad smile how thankful she is to have "woken up" two weeks ago to God's presence. She'd long felt lost in fear and despair, but now she feels peaceful and ready for any outcome in court. She's been reflecting on Joseph's endurance through twenty years of hardship before ending up a powerful leader, restored to his family. Likewise, she knows she can trust God and receive His strength for whatever's ahead. She can see His goodness in people who pray for and encourage her.

I told her what I've been mulling over. Like Joseph, Raksmey has lost her home, her father, even her relationship with her brother. And her losses might continue to mount, as his did. But in Christ, she can receive a home, a Father, and a spiritual family far better and more permanent than any other. None of her suffering will be wasted; all of it will be part of a bigger story. Whatever happens to her dad's estate in court, Raksmey has a guaranteed and glorious inheritance.



Monday, August 26, 2019

The worm, the crow, and the challenges of cross-cultural storytelling


Pop quiz: 

Match the sentences to the genre in which you might find them.

1. And they all lived happily ever after.
2. Press 1 for English and 2 for Spanish.
3. She has demonstrated superior critical thinking, organization, and attention to detail.
4. So good to see you again! You look great!
5. "The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel." 

a. Greeting a visiting friend 
b. Phone recording for a government service
c. Opening line of a dystopian novel (William Gibson's Neuromancer)
d. College recommendation letter
e. Fairy tale closing

Not too hard, was it? In case you need help, answers are at the bottom. But these lines would sound pretty odd if you shuffled them around between those five contexts.

A recent language coaching class encouraged us to help our advanced learners notice discourse. Discourse means the structure or shape of a text or conversation. What kinds of phrases and sentences are used to open, develop, and close it? What markers indicate its genre? A court testimony and a fairy tale are both narratives, but you wouldn't start a court testimony with "Once upon a time." 

Languages can have diverse expectations for what makes each genre sound "right" and natural. If I assume my second language has the same discourse patterns as my first, what can happen? 
  • I might miss cues that someone is trying to end a conversation, or feel unsure how to do so myself. (Hanging up the phone with a Khmer speaker used to be so awkward for me!)
  • I might persuade in a way that doesn't sound persuasive. (I read that Japanese students are taught to sound hesitant and acknowledge other viewpoints to reflect their humility in a large and complicated world. By contrast, American essay writers are taught to say "My viewpoint IS the truth." This divergence can cause confusion and discomfort in ESL writing courses.) 
  • I might communicate information that I see as organized and clear, but my audience finds difficult to follow or process.
Image from ThoughtCo
As with several other coaching suggestions, I knew I needed to grow here in my own language learning, so I decided to give it a try. One area where I'd like to grow is in storytelling. What makes people want to listen? So I chose a Buddhist folk tale in Khmer​, one that I'd once watched in class, and instead of just reading it for comprehension, I picked it apart, trying to understand every word. Then I examined how the words combined into sentences, paragraphs, and story. 

My analysis had three stages: 
1. Very literal translation
2. Somewhat literal translation
3. Non-literal translation

That way, I could compare the Khmer structure to a comparable English structure for folk tales. It was sometimes hard to find 1-to-1 correspondences of English and Khmer words, and even the most literal translation still loses shades of meaning in Khmer. But these three stages will give you an indication of potential differences between stories in the two languages. (You probably don't want to read all of the very literal translation, so I'm just including the beginning to give you an idea.)

1. Very literal translation:

Story Worm and Crow

Even this version still adds capitalizations and spaces between words, neither of which exist in the original Khmer except where I’ve used the Tab function below. Khmer spaces are wider than English ones and work more like commas - I'm still not sure why this story uses commas in some places instead of spaces in the original text.

Have story one say     worm eating leaf      have crow one fly seek food go to notice with worm that. Crow say “Time this have luck get worm eat” and fly go near worm. Worm look see crow also realize say “Self, (impolite) crow this heart brutal      will stab me eat now already.” Worm ask crow say “Come seek what?”. Crow tell go to worm back say “I come eat worm you.” Worm say “When only crow you seek riddle me find then eat me can, if seek riddle me not find eat me not can not.” Crow ask that “Riddle worm you way like what ask come descend I will seek give find.” Worm ask go to crow like have continue go to this:
1 - Like what which they call say sweet more than they most?
2 -  Like what which they call say sour bitter/unripe more than they most?
3 - Like what which they call say stinky more than they most?
4 - Like what which they call say fragrant more than they most?


Whew, does your brain hurt yet? OK, let's look at the intermediate version, where I tried to use correct grammar but stay as possible to the Khmer discourse structure.

Somewhat literal, yet grammatical, translation: 

“The Story of Worm and Crow”

I put in paragraph breaks, quotation marks, question marks, and periods only where they exist in Khmer. I changed verb tenses where appropriate and added some of the following to make it flow better:
  • commas and semicolons
  • articles [a/an/the] 
  • subjects for verbs
  • conjunctions like “and” & “but” 
I've marked these additions in red in the first paragraph and left the spaces in to give you an idea. 

There is one tale saying     
a worm was eating a leaf     one crow flew looking for food; it went and spotted with that worm. The crow said, “This time have luck and get the worm to eat” and flew near the worm. The worm looked, saw the crow and recalled saying, “This stupid brutal-hearted crow      will stab me to eat now already.” The worm asked the crow saying, “What do you come seeking?”. The crow told to the worm back saying, “I came to eat the worm, you.” The worm said, “Only when, Crow, you seek my riddle and find it, then you can eat me; if you seek my riddle and do not find ityou can’t eat me.”

The crow asked saying, “What’s your riddle, worm, go ahead and ask me and I’ll figure it out.” The worm asked the crow the following:

1.    How do they call that which is sweet more than anything, most of all?
2.    How do they call that which is sour more than anything, most of all?
3.    How do they call that which is stinky more than anything, most of all?
4.    How do they call that which is fragrant more than anything, most of all?

When the crow had heard the worm ask all four riddles already, he had the most joy and shouted excitedly and playfully, thinking saying, “All four of the worm’s four riddles, I sought and found and can eat this worm without missing out,” so the crow answered and solved the riddle in the following way.

1.    That which they call sweet most of all, that is sugar and honey, sweeter than anything.
2.    That which they call sour most of all, that is sour lime soup, tamarind, sandan fruit soup, and vinegar.
3.    That which they call stinky most of all, that is poop and all types of animal carcasses.
4.    That which they call fragrant most of all, that is magnolia, jasmine, and perfume.
5.    Crow has solved all four of these riddles, he told the worm.

The worm said “Crow has solved the riddles incorrectly.” So Crow looked gloomy saying back to the worm, “Worm, if you say it’s wrong, please tell me these riddles’ answers so I’ll know.” The worm replied to the crow saying “I can tell you, but crow, don’t eat me once I tell you.” The crow said “Just go ahead and tell me, I won’t eat you.” Once they had agreed together in this way, the worm solved the riddles and told them to the crow, like the following words:
  1. That which they call sweet most of all, that is not really sugar or honey sweet, but sweet words spoken back and forth with each other through melodious, faithful words toward each other. This is what is called the sweetest.
  2. That which they call sour and bitter most of all, that is not really sour and bitter tamarind, sandan fruit soup, lime soup, or vinegar, but vulgar, cruel, impolite, inappropriate words spoken back and forth with each other. This is what is called sour and bitter beyond all else.
  3. That which they call stinky, that is not really stinky poop or a stinky carcass, but a foul reputation and name of an evildoer. This is exactly what is called “putrid even upwind.”
  4. That which they call fragrant, that is not really the fragrant scent of a flower or perfume, but a fragrant reputation and name of an innocent person doing good, this is exactly what is called “fragrant more than any fragrant spice.”

The crow, having listened to all these riddles, then stopped eating the worm and went.

Small but really true, like a sparkling diamond.



It's a lot more understandable than the first story. But would you buy a book of stories like this to read with your kids? Me neither.

Finally, since I couldn't find a comparable English version, here's my best shot at fitting it into English discourse patterns for folk tales. Red indicates places where I changed the wording to sound more like an English folk tale:

“The Worm and the Crow”

A worm was once eating a leaf when a crow flew overhead, hunting for food, and spotted the worm. The crow told himself, “I’m in luck: this worm will be an easy target!” and dove toward the worm. 

Looking up, the worm spotted the crow and realized, “This rotten brutal-hearted crow is about to gobble me up!” So she asked the crow, “What do you want?” 

The crow replied, “I’m here to claim you as my dinner!” 

The worm said, “OK, fine, you can eat me… but only after you solve my riddles.”

“Go ahead, what are they? I know I’ll get them right,” the crow responded cockily.

So she proceeded to ask the crow: 

1.    "What’s the sweetest thing in the world?
2.    What’s the sourest, most bitter thing in the world?
3.    What’s the stinkiest thing in the world?
4.    What’s the most fragrant thing in the world?"

Hearing these riddles, the crow let out a gleeful caw. He thought to himself, “These are easy. This worm is mine for sure!” He told the worm:

1.    "The sweetest things in the world are sugar and honey.
2.    The sourest, most bitter things in the world are sour lime soup, tamarind, sour fruit soup, and vinegar.
3.    The stinkiest things in the world are poop and all animal carcasses.
4.    The most fragrant things in the world are magnolias, jasmine flowers, and perfume.
5.    I’ve solved all four of your riddles!”

“Not so fast!” she replied. “Your answers are wrong.”

The crow looked crestfallen. “Wrong, you say? Then please tell me the right answers so I’ll know.”

“I’ll tell you, but you can’t eat me afterward,” said the brave little worm.

The crow answered, “As long as you tell me, I won’t eat you.”

Satisfied by their agreement, the worm revealed the riddles’ solutions:

1.    "The sweetest thing in the world isn’t sugar or honey, but a sweet conversation filled with musical, faithful words. That’s what’s really the sweetest.
2.    The sourest, most bitter thing in the world isn’t a food like tamarind, sour fruit, lime, or vinegar, but a conversation full of vulgar, cruel, impolite, and unseemly words. That’s the sourest, most bitter thing of all.
3.    The stinkiest thing in the world isn’t poop or carcasses, but an evildoer’s foul reputation and name. That’s what you call 'so putrid you can smell it upwind.'
4.    The most fragrant thing in the world isn’t the scent of a flower or a perfume. It’s the sweet-smelling reputation and name of an upstanding citizen, 'more fragrant than any spice.'”

With this wisdom ringing in his ears, the crow left the worm alone and flew off.

This story is short but profound, like a sparkling diamond.

Here are some differences I noticed:

  • In some places, the Khmer was much shorter than the English; in other places, much longer. We have different conventions for what needs to be spelled out and what can be inferred. 
  • In Khmer, people prefer to restate the nouns often because pronouns get really confusing. Even pronouns like "you" often had the animal's name in front of it. 
  • Sometimes Khmer and English differ on where subjects are required for verbs. 
    • Here English but not Khmer requires a subject: "This time have luck" vs. "This time have luck/I'm in luck" 
    • Here Khmer requires a subject: "When the crow had heard the worm ask all four riddles already, he had the most joy and shouted excitedly and playfully." vs. "Hearing these riddles, the crow cried out with delight."
  • I spotted differences in how Khmer uses punctuation: no exclamation points in the original (I added six), fewer mid-sentence pauses (whether commas or spaces), some surprises with question marks. 
  • Khmer often adds the word "say" after verbs that imply it, like "reply" or "ask." 
  • There were specific phrases to begin the story and to ask and answer about superlatives, "the ___est thing," which never used "in the world" like English might. Likewise, there was a specific phrase signalling "in the following way," which often could be left out in the English translation, but which I've heard in other Khmer stories. 
  • This story had less action than I anticipated. I thought the crow would try to get out of the deal and eat the worm anyway. But my tutor said she was surprised too, and the video included a scene with him lunging and her scurrying underground, so maybe that's not a broader pattern.
  • There's no moral at the end, just a statement praising the story's value. The worm says the morals out loud during the story. These morals definitely reflects Khmer values of harmonious relationships and preserving one's reputation. English folk tales often have just one moral.
  • The moral part has a satisfying parallelism with the opposites of sour/sweet and stinky/fragrant. But in English we'd probably have one wrong answer per question, where the crow gives four or five for some of them. 
Understanding the Khmer took some dictionary work and some help from my tutor. But it wasn't really that hard to translate it into English, even English that sounds kinda like a traditional folk tale. Imagine the opposite, though. Could I take a story I know and translate it into Khmer? Getting it to that intermediate stage, grammatical correctness, is a long way from telling a smooth story that would captivate listeners. I hope to ask more people about what lines or phrases in the original Khmer sound great, are mainly used in folk tales, or should be imitated in my own stories. For now, my goal is oral storytelling, which is both easier for me and more useful in my daily life than writing. But still, getting to Story 3 in Khmer takes a lot of familiarity with strong examples of that genre. 

Realizing this gives me more sympathy for international friends whose logic I can't always follow well. It gives me sympathy for myself as I struggle week after week to understand Khmer sermons, or to tell non-boring stories in Khmer. And it gives me a whole lot of respect for bilingual Khmer friends who bridge the gap in understanding and/or translating for non-Khmer speakers. It also motivates me to keep reading and listening. Khmer discourse is different from English discourse, but it's not random, and the variations aren't infinite. There are patterns to it that I can hunt for and grow into over time. And when I do? I'll be a much better communicator... in Khmer, anyway.

Pop quiz answers: 1. e    2. b   3. d    4. a   5. c

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

When you have to recruit your own blood donors

Monday was my first time ever donating blood, and it was rather unexpected.

Not that I'd never considered blood donation before. It's always seemed like a great idea: so easy... so practical... so, well, life-giving. At Penn State, there were blood drives all the time, and I felt kind of guilty every time I walked past one. But I had slightly low blood pressure. I had a virus that wiped me out my whole sophomore year and made me wary of infecting others. And I had lived in Germany for nine months as a small child.

That last statement may seem like a pretty lame reason for not giving blood, but it was actually my most compelling. My parents had always told me, "By living in Europe, we were potentially exposed to Mad Cow disease in the late '80s, so now we're excluded as blood donors." Those who had spent at least six months in Europe or three months in the UK between 1980 and 1996 were ineligible to donate in the US. So I never did.

Then ten years ago, I moved here, and still didn't donate. But every now and then, I'd hear about someone needing emergency blood transfusions who had to recruit people to come give blood immediately. Voluntary blood donation wasn't ingrained into Cambodian culture like in some places. Though it's improving, by late 2016 only 30% of transfusions came from voluntary donors, versus 80-90% in neighboring countries, while the rest come from family or sometimes paid donors (AKA blood trafficking). Hey, even in the US, the Red Cross has to fight hard to maintain its blood supply, right? (See the emergency need for donors issued earlier this month; it aims to have five days' worth on hand at all times.) Well, in Cambodia, they've had to overcome myths like "If you donate blood, your body can't replace it," or "Donating blood takes away your antibodies and makes you catch diseases." Information campaigns have especially targeted young adults, with good results.

As donations have risen, the demands have also risen, I think because of expanding access to medical care. The shortage is severe enough that hospitals try to keep a zero balance with patients. If you need one bag of blood, you get one of your friends or relatives to donate. Some hospitals charge for blood, and it sounds like some people without relatives are exempted from the donor requirement. But in general, no donors, no transfusions.

I still didn't ever give, though. Why? I'm not sure. By that point I was healthy, my BP was in the normal range, and mad cow seemed pretty distant. I guess I didn't know where to go. I never heard from anyone who'd donated blood in Cambodia. And I was quite busy teaching. The one time my school hosted a blood drive, I was getting over a cold, so my iron levels were too low.

I didn't really think about it again until reading an article a few months ago on Cambodia's blood bank. I found out it was 30 minutes away, on a road I'd driven many times. I told myself I'd go soon... but then it slipped from my mind again. On Monday, driving that road, I spotted it and turned in on impulse. I'd been antsy to get home and dive into my pressing to-do list, but suddenly it seemed a shame to miss the opportunity when I was right there.



Walking in, I wondered what documents I'd need. A medical history? Evidence of vaccinations? A passport? I couldn't even remember my blood type. Maybe I can't actually give today, but at least I can be prepared for next time. But I couldn't find any staff manning the front desk, just a bunch of people milling around a large room with a few chest-high partitions. I flip-flopped between scanning the room for an official-looking person and scanning the Khmer forms scattered on the desk to see if I could fill one out unaided. A smiling 20-something girl approached me. "Can I help you? Let's look for an English form." Funny, she didn't look like staff. As we kept chatting, I found out she's a Christian who needs monthly blood transfusions. "I need two people a month and it's hard to keep recruiting. Maybe you could donate for me."

I told her I was happy to, but she wandered off while I was filling out my form. In the meantime, a staffer reappeared and said they didn't require any other documents, so I could go ahead and give today.

Eventually, form in hand, I went to stand in line behind a guy who had filled out his form next to me. "Am I in the right place?"

"Oh yeah, you can actually skip the line since you're here by yourself. But you should put that girl's name on your donation. She could use your help."

I tracked her down and she'd already told the staff that I could help her. She stuck with me through the next several minutes, guiding me around to chat with a doctor, find out my blood type (B+, which I prefer to think of less as a grade and more as a life philosophy to "be positive"), and submit my form. I was grateful for her help as I would have been lost otherwise. I told her it was my first time, and she asked, "Are you nervous?"

"Just nervous that they won't let me donate." She looked nervous about that too as her words tumbled out to the doctor faster than I could understand. Would I have noted her pallor and thin frame if I hadn't known she needed these transfusions?

In the waiting area, my new friend told me that she and her sister had needed transfusions the last three years since their diagnosis, but had been sick since childhood. Each of them needs two donors a month, and even with their family and church's help, it's often a struggle to get enough volunteers. How stressful! Her husband is in the US applying for citizenship, so hopefully in a few years she can join him and have better access to health care. She'd been waiting at the transfusion center for about 90 minutes, praying for someone to come and help her. "Really?" I exclaimed. "I had no intention of coming in today... God used your prayer to bring me in here!"

I added her on Facebook, and she promised to contact me the next time she needs a donor. The actual blood-collection process went beautifully: very clean, very professional.

Free snacks for donors!

That night, I searched online. I hadn't heard about mad cow in almost 20 years. Was it still a concern? Was I needlessly avoiding US blood blanks based on a long-since-removed prohibition? Should I have been giving blood in the US all this time? In fact, no, the ban is still in effect indefinitely. The disease in humans, caused by eating contaminated beef (between 1980 and 1996, when they learned to keep it out of human food supplies), is called variant Creuzfeld-Jacob disease (vCJD). It can lie dormant for decades, can't be detected with typical blood tests, attacks the brain, and is always fatal - usually about a year after symptoms appear.

That gave me a twinge - had I been careless in donating? Why hadn't I read up on this before going in? Then I read that only about 230 people have ever been diagnosed worldwide, and cases have been declining since 2000. I thought about all the Europeans who donate and receive blood transfusions in their home countries without triggering another wave of epidemics, despite eating at-risk beef for sixteen years. I thought about the scant quantity of beef I'd probably eaten 30 years ago as a toddler in Germany. I thought about Cambodians who need blood and can't get it. And I thought about my friend, safe for another month. Nope, I was happy with my choice to donate. I've been scrambling ever since to tackle projects from that almighty to-do list, but 15 minutes reclining with a needle in my arm might have been the best way I served Cambodians this week.

Also, in researching further for this post, I saw that the US ban has been relaxed so that my 9 months in Germany no longer disqualifies me in the US. So now I could even give there! This blood donation thing just might become a habit.