Common ground

As a teenager, when I first decided I wanted to move overseas, I thought choosing a host country would be a very rational decision, the result of researching multiple locations and evaluating where the needs and conditions were a good fit for me. For example, I thought I might want a host country with:
1. Mountains
2. Real winter
3. Some French speakers
4. Desperate need of a hero (me)

So basically Vermont, but with more starving children and terrorism.

As a child, I thought this scenery was normal

That's not really how it went. Once I heard about Cambodia a couple years later, I was too smitten to strongly consider anywhere else.
Even though I knew nothing about Buddhism.
Even though I'd never gotten excited about Asian food or palm trees.
Even though I hated the humidity when I left Vermont for Pennsylvania at age 12.

I've since learned to love Buddhists, Asian food, and palm trees, though humidity and my hair are still not great friends. But for years, I've still had a hard time articulating why I keep choosing Cambodia. Usually it sounds something like this: "My community is great, I've grown a lot in living here, and there are tons of opportunities to serve and do what I love." Sometimes I also mention the political stability or the fact that there's minimal animosity toward Americans. And mangoes (duh).

However, there are more factors that have made Cambodia an easier adjustment for me than some other locations. These factors probably wouldn't have made it into my mental criteria, had I stuck to my original plan to create some kind of global spreadsheet. But they matter. Through conversations the past few months with friends who have lived abroad elsewhere, I've become more aware of how grateful I am... not just for the people or the opportunities... but for Cambodia itself. Here are a few examples.

It starts with the fairly obvious...

1. Driving on the right... well, most of the time, anyway. In this way, Cambodia contrasts its neighbors Malaysia, Singapore, and Thailand, as well as other former British colonies like Kenya and Australia.

2. Cheap, tasty produce. This is apparently not the case on islands like Samoa and Haiti, or wintry, mountainous countries like Tajikistan. (A point my teenage self definitely failed to consider.)

3. Good Internet. Someone told me when she came from Uganda to Cambodia in 2012-13, she was shocked how much more readily available it was, even in the provinces. Even when I arrived in 2009 it wasn't awful, and for years it's been great, at least here in Phnom Penh.

4. Availability of American products. Probably 20+ stores in this city of one million sell peanut butter, making it far easier to find than when I was in France or Germany. At least as many sell spaghetti, milk, and bread. Some goods come and go, like decent chocolate chips or Clif bars, and others have less selection than in the US or are pricier. (Think $4 refried beans, $5 cream cheese, and $14/kg for cheese.) But in general, it's quite an impressive selection compared to many or most countries.

5. Smiling is a good thing. Contrast that with France, where Americans are seen as superficial because they smile too much. I tend to smile when I'm nervous or want people to feel comfortable around me, which fits well with Cambodian practices but not so much with French ones. Deciphering the meaning of a Cambodian smile has taken longer, but at least I know that when in doubt, I should smile.

A few of my favorite smiles

It continues through things I grew to value:

6. A relaxed dress code. This culture is too conservative for part of my wardrobe, but not much of it. I can dress appropriately for here while feeling like "myself." Not quite like in Saudi Arabia, where even foreign women have to wear an abayah in public! I'm also glad there's not much pressure to wear name brands or dress up all the time... Phnom Penh is becoming more stylish, but it's a city full of hicks, so in that way I fit right in.

Usually I get to wear more jump-friendly apparel than this

7. Minimal sexual harassment. I've probably missed a few cheeky comments because of my limited language, but usually the most daring a guy ever gets is yelling "hello" and trying to catch my eye as we pass on the street... and even that's fairly rare. A far cry from the stories I've heard about Egypt and India! The creepiest conversation I've had with a guy here was when my moto repair guy once invited me (but specifically didn't invite his wife) to go party with him and other guys. It was annoying, but not unsettling.

8. On a related note, women's status. It's common for women to work outside the home and go places unaccompanied. Not that women's rights are perfect here, but as a foreign women here I enjoy the same freedom I would in the US.

Several of these friends volunteered to help make the meal we enjoyed together

9. Reasonable expectations for hosts. I still get nervous hosting Cambodians and I've had my share of faux pas. But talking recently with someone in Afghanistan made me realize how good I have it. There, it's rude to leave your guests unaccompanied for even a moment, but they can't sit in the kitchen or help in any way while you prepare or serve the food. So it's nearly impossible to host alone. You also need to keep their plates filled at all times, among many other expectations. The bar is lower here for sure!

10. Religious freedom. Not just for me as a Christian, but also for other minority religions. That hasn't always been the case - the Khmer Rouge actively targeted religious leaders of all stripes for execution. But for 25+ years, the government has protected religious liberties. The fact that my NGO can openly proclaim its Christian identity in a country where people commonly say "To be Cambodian is to be Buddhist" is pretty remarkable. I also appreciate that people are allowed to convert - I have many Christian friends here who were born to Buddhist families.

I recently got to attend this church service in a small town... such infectious enthusiasm!

It's easy to dwell on the differences between the US and Cambodia, which are many and can be challenging. Sometimes I feel like the cultural gap is as wide as the geographical distance, literally the other side of the world. But the common ground I've found has significantly reduced my stress and helped me thrive here. These benefits are not to be ignored.

A note to my teenage self: While Cambodia's imitation of winter is pretty weak, it does have some mountains and French, if you know where to look. And it's OK to forego the terrorism. ;)